Christine Carr from Monkey Mind Chicago talks about her journey into real estate and why she eventually shifted into coaching agents. Next, Christine elaborates the Monkey Mindset and also briefly talks about the 10 steps she’s created for her Monkey Mindset as a coaching tool. Christine also discusses the value of self-compassion and self-care and the importance of carefully picking who you want to surround yourself with and the impact this has on your future. Last, Christine talks about her own podcast titled She’s On Top.
If you’d prefer to watch this interview, click here to view on YouTube!
Christine Carr can be reached at 312-401-3658.
D.J. Paris 0:00
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Hello, and welcome to another episode of Keeping it real, the largest podcast made by real estate agents and for real estate agents. My name is DJ Paris, I am your guide and host through the show. And in just a moment, we’re gonna be speaking with Christine Carr, real estate coach and top producer. Before we get to Christine. Just a quick reminder for everyone listening right now to please tell a friend, think of one other real estate professional that you feel could benefit from listening to our show and hearing these interviews with top producers and send them a link, you can always send them directly to our website, which is keeping it real pod.com. And they can stream every episode we’ve ever done right from the website there. Or if they are a podcast listener, they can just pull up their podcast app and do a search for keeping it real pod and hit that subscribe button. Thanks for everyone for continuing to support our show over all these years and all of the great guest suggestions that we’ve been receiving recently that really helps us find the next best interview. So thank you for that. And please follow us on Facebook you can find firstname.lastname@example.org forward slash keeping it real pod where every day we post a fun question to get your real estate juices flowing. And also, of course, every episode that we’ve ever done gets posted there as well which again is facebook.com forward slash keeping it real pod and now on to our interview with Christine Carr.
Okay, today on the show, we have Christine Carr from monkey mind Chicago, and also the host of the podcast. She’s on top, and also a producer realtor herself here in Chicago. Let me tell you more about Christine Christine Carr is a real estate broker, a professional coach and a podcaster here in the Chicagoland area. After recognizing common patterns and pitfalls her clients brought to coaching, she’s developed the monkey mindset 10 steps to creating the life of your dreams. Christine’s second podcast, she’s on top launched this month with a focus on conversations with women in leadership. Her life’s mission is to entertain, educate and inspire. Please find Christine at our website, which is monkey mind. chicago.com. Welcome, Christine.
Christine Carr 3:02
Hi, thank you for having me. I’m excited to be here.
D.J. Paris 3:05
We are excited to have you. It’s always fun to have a fellow podcaster on the show, because so often when I interview top producers from all over the country, it’s not uncommon words, the very first time they’ve been on a podcast. And sometimes the conversations of course go more smoothly than others because not everyone is is skilled at at this sort of conversation. And I certainly understand people being nervous, but it’s nice to have a fellow broadcaster on the show. So no pressure to keep the conversation going.
Christine Carr 3:36
I have trouble talking.
D.J. Paris 3:39
Yes, sadly mean either to all of my beloved ones in my circle, they will tell you the same thing. And it’s like, you know, maybe I should talk less. But we’re here to celebrate you. So I am really excited to chat with you. And I want to learn about the podcast, and also monkey mindset because it’s something that I’ve been reading about for years and years, this idea of the monkey mind. But first, let’s start at the beginning. Let’s talk about your journey into real estate. And then from there, you know how you got into coaching.
Christine Carr 4:09
So it’s kind of a funny story. It’s an old story. But when I was about 18 years old, I was debating whether to go to college or to try to get my real estate license. And they were having an open house for you know, unlicensed people to come. JW reedy in my town, I don’t even know if they exist anymore, right. And it was a bad thunderstorm that night. And I was the only person who showed up. So I got to have a private meeting with this older gentleman who had been in real estate for you know, since the days when they had the big listing books. This is like, I’m old. So this was like, you know, 86 Right. And so we had a long conversation about why I wanted to get in real estate and I was like, you know, I really never liked school. I just don’t think I need to go to college. I just like to jump right into this and he’s kind of patted me on the shoulder and he said Oh honey, go to college. I was like, damn it, you know, so I went to college. And I kind of, you know, went like this did a lot of different things, worked on the Florida Board of Trade, get some broadcasting all kinds of craziness, and then found my way back to real estate because the dream town office where is my brokerage was down the street from where I was living. When I kept walking by there and walking by there. Finally, I just got my license and been there ever since.
D.J. Paris 5:26
Wow. Well, I can’t even imagine. I mean, can you imagine? Obviously, you know, you were 18 thinking about getting your license at that time. I mean, when I was 18 It’s sort of embarrassing, but I just wasn’t that mature I, I was working at well, right before I went to college, I was working at, you know, some bar and, and you know, making little money and just trying to figure out like, Where can I get beer tonight? So this idea of like creating that to? Well, I’m sure you were but you were also thinking about a career. And I was just I love that people who I’m always fascinated by people who sort of even know whether it’s real estate or any profession that early on, you know, that’s, that’s what they want to do. And here you are in real estate. So that dream came true.
Christine Carr 6:08
Yeah. But it’s interesting, because I think my motivation was more about not going to school anymore than it was actually being a broker at the time. Because my belief was that it was something you could do without having a degree. And then it was kind of like that shoot your eye out moment in the movie where the guy’s like, No, you’ll shoot your eye out, go to school. And so I had to, like, you know, redo all the things and listen to everyone who said, just go to college. And so it was the right thing in the end. But it’s fascinating that I then ended up back in that same place, you know, 15 years later? Well, yeah, let’s,
D.J. Paris 6:44
let’s talk a little bit about the sort of your coaching because you know, you’ve been in real estate for a long time, you’ve seen a tremendous number of agents come and go people have success, other people exit the business for, you know, a number of reasons. And tell us about sort of your passion for coaching and why why the shift?
Christine Carr 7:03
Yeah, so I’ve always been someone who is fascinated by human behavior, I studied psychology and Political Science and things like that in school. And so when the opportunity came up for me to do the coaching, I was just, it was like one of those like, Aha moments where it’s like, hell, yeah, I’ll do that, you know, I almost like got tears in my eyes. Because this is like, perfect for me. Because, you know, I never really wanted to be a therapist or anything like that, because I’m really high energy. And I’m all about, you know, people’s strengths and getting people into movement and things like that. So when the coaching opportunity came up, within our brokerage, I just jumped on it. And it was, what’s a passion project of mine. And the reason I love it is because I get to be part of changing people’s mindset, right? Like, if I’m sitting across from someone, and I see that little shift in their eyes, where they make an awareness about something that they didn’t know was getting in their way. That’s a really powerful moment. And you know, it doesn’t their life doesn’t always change in that moment. But I know that over time, that seed that is planted is going to change their life. And it’s just super exciting. Super exciting.
D.J. Paris 8:16
Yeah, it’s really coaching, I’ve always found so interesting. And in many ways, I’m curious to get your opinion on this. I find that coaching and maybe it’s equal parts, you know, technique. So oftentimes telling somebody, Hey, here’s something, here’s the strategy to try, here’s a technique to try that maybe they hadn’t thought about before. And then maybe that’s half of coaching, and the other half is helping the person get out of their own way, which is basically what you said, I was thinking about that. So I have a personal trainer for working out, because I don’t and the reason why I got a personal trainer was for two reasons. One is I don’t go to the gym on my own, which is embarrassing to admit. But sadly, just I don’t find that motivation. If I have it scheduled with somebody who I’m paying, I show up. So it’s an expensive problem to have. But But I do show up if I do that. And then the other part is she helps me with my technique, right? Everything I do, I would be doing wrong on my own simply because that’s not my area of specialty. I don’t know how to, you know, do the certain exercises and hold my muscles the right way. And so I wonder if that translates into coaching, if a lot of it’s like, let me help you get out of your own way. And maybe here’s a few ideas you haven’t thought about?
Unknown Speaker 9:27
Yeah, it’s definitely that it’s a it’s a hybrid, right? Like in a pure coaching model. I would never say here’s what you should do. Right? I would, I would hope to pull that out of you. But in real life, when people come to coaching, they’re looking oftentimes for some direction, some techniques, some guidance, right? So it’s it’s two parts. It’s the self awareness piece, like you just mentioned, I’m not internally motivated to go to the gym. So if I promise someone I’m going to be there and I pay money, I’m going to get my butt over to to the gym, right? That’s an external motivation. And the reality is, is that most people are more motivated externally than internally. So it’s not really a problem. It’s just a belief that we have, like, why can’t I just do this on my own, and it’s just not realistic. A lot of times, other stuff like parenting and, you know, taking your dog for a walk, or some of the things that you internally enjoy and get, like a tremendous, like, amount of like immediate gratification from, you might be more motivated to do those things on your own. But like working out, and things like that, it’s more like, Oh, God, you know, I know, I’m supposed to do this, but it’s really not my favorite thing. So how do I how do I do that? Right? And so then, the training piece that comes into the coaching is like, Okay, so now that you know that you’re not internally motivated to say to your example, to go to the gym, to call clients to follow up whatever those pain points are for you, what can who and what can support me in figuring out how to make it happen, because I know I need to make it happen. And then that’s where the little you know, the techniques and the training stuff comes
D.J. Paris 11:05
in. And why that is so well said. And I think that you know, just going back to the to the gym example, which we’ll we’ll I’ll definitely apply to real estate in a moment here. But the idea like why don’t I want to go to the gym? Well, it is tremendously painful, it is very physically difficult, it’s a mentally difficult, I’m doing things my body doesn’t naturally want to do, my body wants to sit and eat, you know, chips all day, because that’s, that feels good. And it’s easy, and I’m accustomed to comfort. And if we think about realtors, you know, realtors have to wear so many hats in their business, they have to be, you know, the marketing arm, they have to be the operations arm, the customer service arm, they have to do, you know, unless they’re on a team, in which case, maybe the the responsibilities are divided. But if it’s if you’re a solo practitioner, boy, you and you have to be your own coach, if you don’t have one. And the reality of it is, is there are certain parts of everyone’s business that are painful, you know, that are just things that they know they should do and just can’t find themselves doing. And that’s why you know, having a coach is so critical, because you can’t naturally want to do everything, because you’re just a human being and you’re imperfect. And you and you have certain things you’re like you were saying internally motivated to do. And then there’s other things where you’re like, I should be doing that. But I don’t find myself doing it, in which case, a coach can help with accountability or different strategies or helping with mindset. And so I was just thinking about how important that is, for all of our listeners to realize having a coach, you know, me hiring a personal trainer isn’t really a deficit. I mean, I wish I didn’t have to, but the truth is, I have to, if I want to be in shape. So I’ve just gone, okay, I’m just going to have to make that commitment. And for anyone listening, if you want to take your business to the next level, you know, there’s there’s just you can’t do it all yourself. And so having a coach like Christine, of course, can can help you, you know, with with some of those challenges.
Unknown Speaker 13:01
Yeah. And I think the other piece of like, the mindset work is that what do you believe about why you don’t like certain things, right? So we carry all these belief systems around with us? Well, I’m just not good at calling people and I’m not good at social media. And I don’t think that I can do that. And so you’re, you’re no, you’re in your head about how bad you suck at it, right? And then you’re setting yourself up every day, it’s on your to do list, right? I’m going to call five people, I’m gonna call five people, and then it just keeps getting moved to the next day to the next stage. But it’s kind of like why people work out in the morning, right? You work out in the morning, because you know that the rest of the day, you can say to yourself, oh my god, I already did that. And so your head is clear from that one. That one success sets you up to have a clear headspace all day. Whereas if you blow your workout off your headspace is clouded with I should have gone to the gym, you know, this happened because I didn’t go to the gym, and bla bla bla all day, right? Until the next day, when you get a clean slate, and you start all over again. And so my goal for my clients is to one recognize the things that are getting pushed over and over and over. Right, what’s behind that? And then also, what are the things that you’re just not going to do? Like, what if it was okay to just be like, You know what, I’m not good at that. And I don’t care about being good at it. And I’m not going to spend time setting myself up to fail. So I’m gonna get somebody else to do it. I’m gonna leverage it, right? Because there are you don’t have to be good at everything. You just don’t have to be. And I think that the more you can lean into your strengths and spend more and more time on those things, the more your headspace is going to be clearer to succeed and to grow in the areas that you can grow. And then like I said, then you find someone who’s the exact opposite of you, and let them do all the things you don’t want to do.
D.J. Paris 14:48
Yeah, and we’re so lucky to in this, at least in this day and age to have access to really the global workforce. You know, should we want to leverage someone to Help with our social media or with our prospecting or with our customer service. So many people that we’ve had on the show have virtual assistants who live in other countries who
Unknown Speaker 15:10
are great, they’re really good. This is the virtual assistants are really good, which is surprises me, right? I’m like, how can that work? But it totally works?
D.J. Paris 15:21
Yeah, it’s a whole, it’s a whole new world. So there’s so many people probably listening thinking, I can’t afford to have a coach or I can’t afford to have an assistant or I can’t afford. And the reality of it is, is that coaches and assistants, they, their job is to make your life better, because then you’ll continue to use them. So really, if you find the right partner, the right partners, the right team, whether it’s, you know, your own team that you’re hiring, you know, from from sort of this global workforce that we have access to? Or if it’s just a local, you know, in your local community. I mean, it really is, it’s it, this is a huge mind shift, a set shift for what you know, and Christine is absolutely right there. There are so many people I talked to who are top producers who say things like, you know what, I don’t enjoy social media. So I outsource that I have someone else really doing that side of it for me, because number one, I don’t really like it. Number two, I’m a pretty private person, and I just don’t like sharing everything. And number three, it’s just not part of my daily routine. But I know I should be doing something on there. In which case, you know, they’ll have have somebody on their, you know, in their, in their team to assist with that. Let’s I want to talk about the monkey mindset. So I’m so fascinated, what is Tell, tell our audience, for any buddy who’s not familiar, what’s called the monkey mind, let’s talk about exactly what that is.
Unknown Speaker 16:35
Okay, so if you have no idea what the monkey mind is, that’s a, you know, a Buddhist term, for the way our thoughts jump from thought to thought to thought like a monkey jumps from limb to limb to live on a tree. So it’s kind of like a, it’s a loving term, it’s not a derogatory term, because our all of our brains do that, right. So, you know, someone tells you, you know, I’ve got complete control of my monkey mind, it’s really not possible. Unless you’re like some kind of Zen master who lives in a monastery and doesn’t have social media, you know, that’s just, that’s a very impossible goal to have. But the reality is, is that if you can learn to harness your thoughts, and love your monkey mind and train your thoughts, to work for you, instead of against you, then you can, you can get some pleasure out of the fact that your mind jumps from thought to thought. And, you know, one of the pieces that I like to tell people is that, you know, training your mind is, is a process, it’s a practice, it’s an ongoing practice. And it makes people upset, maybe to hear that there’s not really a finish line. But the reality is, is that when you start to pay attention to the distance between a stimulus and a reaction, that’s where your power lies in there, right. And in real estate is a very reactionary business, right? Someone calls us we jump, someone wants to write an offer, we jump, it’s very reactionary. But if you can train yourself to take a little bit of time in between the stimulus of your clients and your business, and you know, the world in general, and breathe into it and give yourself a pause, then you’re not spending your entire life in reaction. And that’s kind of the goal of just the mindset piece, the monkey mind piece, like as a as a global, like, practice, right? But then, you know, to pare it down to my monkey mindset coaching platform, what I did after overtime, after I start, you know, studying meditation and study coaching and psychology and family systems and trauma and all the stuff, right, I created 10 steps, that I believe that if you can work the 10 steps a little bit like working like the 12 steps in a right like you kind of have to finish one before you can jump to the next one. But they’re always kind of inner woven, right. And so those steps are about self awareness, and about personal personal growth, or about personal leadership, but they’re also about, you know, managing expectations and making a plan and setting goals and celebration and gratitude and those types of things. Yeah, well, what
D.J. Paris 19:22
is there a first step so in in the 12 step programs, we know the first step for people who are you know, have addiction
Unknown Speaker 19:29
to cocaine and I’m a monkey mind that yes, is the
D.J. Paris 19:33
first well is the first step to realize maybe we’re addicted to stimulus response. So something comes at us a client request, a lead, which we all know speed to lead, of course, is important. So maybe that’s not a good example, but a client request comes in, let’s say it’s 10. At night, we’re awake client texts us a question, and we now feel pressure internally to meet that client’s need immediately and respond instantly, because we want to be the greatest realtor of all time, who’s always available for their clients. And I know everyone listening can certainly respond to this unless you’re good at setting boundaries, which a lot of us aren’t so so that’s a really good example, because it feels good to respond in that moment. But what Christina is suggesting is, and I’m not, again, we’re not suggesting not to respond. But this idea of taking a breath, and noticing the space between the stimulus, and then taking a moment observing your reaction to it, and then making maybe a better decision, whether it’s a good idea to respond, instead of just automatically going the stimulus response, sort of dopamine loop that just keeps happening and reinforces itself without a lot of intentional sort of reaction, right? We’re talking about like, intention? Yeah, no,
Unknown Speaker 20:49
that’s a great, that’s a great summation of what I said, especially as it applies to real estate, right? Because it, and then those are the same, you know, brokers that come to me and say, How come I don’t have a life? How can I feel like I’m working? 24/7? It’s like, well, how much are you? You know, like you said, that dopamine response, a lot of times, we don’t want to correlate our own personal responsibility in that addiction, right, like, and there’s a stimulus, right, there’s a stimulus to responding to texts, there’s a stimulus to, to being in the drama of our client’s needs, right? And, and there is definitely a chemical component to that. And if you are someone who isn’t very steeped in that chemical component, and you’re used to that, it kind of feel really strange and kind of backwards to not continue to have that. And it’s about learning to be okay. And just that moment of, you know, silence or non reaction to kind of question yourself about like, okay, so why am I reacting to this? Am I acting reacting to this? Because it’s actually urgent? Or am I reacting to it? Because it’s coming from a place of insecurity, and myself, if I don’t react to this, then that person is gonna go find another broker? I hear that a lot. Right? Sure. And some of it is about, you know, how you’re managing your business in the relationship, at the very beginning of the relationship? How would you like to be, you know, a big part of coaching is establishing a relationship with your clients, about how you’re going to communicate with each other. Right? So unless you’re in like a multiple offer situation where people are, you know, upping the offers, and it’s going back and forth, and you’re in this act of negotiation, what’s happening at 10 o’clock at night. It’s, it’s, it’s, you’re both kind of in this in this reaction. And it’s not necessarily bad. Maybe you’re a night owl, maybe you’re someone who sleeps till one o’clock in the afternoon and 10 o’clock for you as you’re just getting going. Right. And that’s a personal decision, and it’s probably fine for you. And that’s a conscious decision. It’s not just a reaction. So that’s the difference.
D.J. Paris 22:59
Let’s talk some AI were really are mentioning is urgency and importance. It’s like, are things come in that are urgent? Are they in fact important? And you’re not going to know that if you don’t take a moment? And they say, there’s that old Zen expression, what’s it the space between the notes is what creates the music, which is actually true, because the silence between the notes is how we differentiate notes, you know, whether versus one long tone, and it’s really also the birth of creativity, you know, there’s that there’s this great, one of my favorite quotes is by Blaise Pascal and I’m paraphrasing it he’s a man was a mathematicians last fought slash philosopher with which he said something to the effect of, and I’m sure I’m getting this just a little wrong, but all of man’s miseries derived from not being able to sit alone in a quiet room and think, and, and it sounds so simple, but he’s probably right. That that, you know, this idea of creating silence in such a noisy world with stimulation coming at us just constantly, whether it’s from our business with our clients, social media, our phones, you know, so much is just coming at us where we don’t put a huge we don’t put as much of a priority culturally on taking time breathing, being with our thoughts, and then making a more intentional decision. But let’s I want to talk more about the monkey mind. Sorry, the steps that you have outlined in your coaching program with the monkey mindset. Do you mind sharing some of those steps? Well, so
Unknown Speaker 24:26
I just want to touch on something really important that you said, right, so the first step is really about self awareness. Right, knowing yourself. And so one of the quotes that I would say is like, you’re never alone, if you like who you’re with, right, right. But if you’ve got a lot of stuff, right, and you’re used to keeping really, really, really busy to drowned out a lot of your stuff, whatever that stuff is, it’s tough to be by yourself. It’s tough to sit still and be quiet and to be feel safe. And in that moment, right. So we keep rolling, because that way we don’t Have to be alone with ourselves. And so that is the first step of the monkey mind thing is like, Okay, what’s my stuff? And am I willing to look at it and own it and, and in a loving way, you know, because we all have stuff. It’s not like, Okay, I’m a bad person because I’m, you know, nervous to talk in front of people or whatever your thing is, right. So that’s the first piece. And I think that’s the ongoing piece that has no finish line, because every time you peel back a layer, there’s a new layer, right? There’s a new, new question. But once you start to get more self aware about your stuff, then you’re you’re recognizing and taking responsibility for what you’re bringing to every interaction, right. And so if you’re someone who’s easily triggered by someone who’s really aggressive, and you have a client who’s really aggressive, you’re going to be responding in a way that’s not really helpful, you’re going to be contributing to this, like disconnect, right. But if you know that, that kind of a person is triggered for you, and you can sort of see them coming ahead of time, and just take that moment to not participate in that aggression, you’re gonna save yourself, especially in real estate, right, you’re gonna save yourself so much angst and anxiety by not participating in it, right, you can let them be upset, you can let them be aggressive, you can let them tell the inspector that you know, you know everything, and then you know, bring your data along and do all the crazy, right, they can do all of those things. But you’re managing your own stuff, so that you’re not getting sucked into that that piece of it. And for real estate, I feel like that’s one of the most powerful pieces of the the process is just like recognizing that you have a choice in every moment, whether to participate in whatever shows up for yourself, right? Yeah, absolutely. Is that clear? Does
D.J. Paris 26:48
that makes sense? Makes perfect sense. This idea that, you know, we so funny, you had mentioned, something that that was really, really important for everyone listening is we all have stuff, we all have trauma, we all have wounds, and these things show up in our business world life, they have these unresolved issues that probably will never be fully resolved. But we learn to cope with them by becoming aware of them. And then learning techniques to observe them as they’re coming up. So Christine is actually talking about this is like, okay, when this part of me shows up, where it wants to show up is this, a more mature part of me that that is, is from a healthy perspective, reacting to this client, who is really, you know, having an issue that I need to deal with, or is this an old wound of being yelled at by my parents when I was little, and now I’m reacting as if they’re my parents yelling at me, that happened, you know, 40 years ago.
Unknown Speaker 27:46
And I would add to that is that I truly believe that the world is going to keep showing you that right, you’re gonna keep encountering those same kinds of situations and encounters, until you figure it out, and you figure out how to manage it. And then it’s, it’s the strangest thing in the world, all of a sudden, those aggressive people aren’t around you anymore, because you’re not participating in it, because it takes two people to participate in anything. And it’s fascinating how the universe will start to steer you in a different direction, when you stop paying attention to that kind of behavior.
D.J. Paris 28:19
How important is self compassion? Because, again, we know that again, realtors have so much responsibility, you know, they’re walking a client through every step of the home buying selling process, they’re managing every part of their business in a lot of cases. And of course, you can’t do everything well. And of course, you have, you know, these wounds from from your past that show up and make things a little bit more challenging. How important is it to have compassion? For for one’s challenges?
Unknown Speaker 28:48
Oh, gosh, I think it’s everything, it’s, it’s the most important thing out there. And there’s a piece of the program, the monkey mindset that is about that about, you know, you hear a lot about self care, right? I’m going to take a bath, I’m going to, I’m going to, you know, go get my nails done, I’m going to go and do you know, Sunday funday with my girlfriends and things like that, but I think we need to be really, really careful. Because a lot of times what we consider to be self care is really just self indulgence, right? My belief is that actual self care is just what you mentioned, having compassion for yourself as yourself as your with all your crap, right? And recognizing it and forgiving others for being a part of whatever might have happened to you, right? Because they’re just trying to do the best there they can do and then you know, taking some time to really just look at, you know, where does this come from? And what is it about and just being okay with it, and it’s a process you know, and it’s not going to be perfect and you could say that you’ve completely, you know, healed from a certain little thing and then you know, wham you know, it’ll hit you right at the right interface. And but by having that personal awareness around it, you’re not going to react in the same way, like you said, you’re not going to react from that little wounded place, you’re going to react as that mature person who knows you’re in reaction, right. And one of the things that we learned in the coaching training is really about that mental self management. And anybody can learn that, right. And it’s really just about listening deeply to whoever’s in front of you. And when they say something that triggers you, or, you know, makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up, you know, you notice it, but you don’t, you don’t respond. It’s not about you, you, you know, you make a you make like a Chinese wall between you and their, their thing, and you can be compassionate, and you can be empathetic, but you can’t be sucked into whatever, whatever it is. Because otherwise, it’s just turns into a mess.
D.J. Paris 30:58
It does. Yeah, this is about this is a good, you know, you mentioned a Chinese wallet, and we’re really talking about his boundaries, and learning how to establish personal boundaries with clients. And what what do you suggest to, to agents who are listening or watching who are thinking, you know, I should be setting better boundaries, with with respect to, you know, how often I communicate with my clients, or how often maybe I respond to requests, or, you know, obviously, this is such a huge part of being a realtor is managing your clients anxiety, managing their fears, their worries, I was, I was telling Christine, as soon as I’m done with this, I’m racing over to do an inspection for my own property. I’m bringing an inspector with me, because I don’t know what to do. And I am tremendously anxious about that, because I’m like, Well, if I don’t want to screw this up, and I’m about to go to closing. But so so this idea of, of understanding, you know, how does it an agent, you know, really set good boundaries so that they can have some what have we know that balance is, is really a term that will never ever really be imbalanced? But the closest we can get to balance involves really setting boundaries around your business and your personal life. Mmm, do you have any suggestions for our audience about how to how to consider that?
Unknown Speaker 32:17
Oh, absolutely. And that’s a super great segue into something else, that’s really important. And I’m a Libra. So I’m all about the scales. And I, you know, there’s no such thing as bounce, right? I mean, you’re in this and you’re in that. And I think, if you want to have a, you know, a semi realistic approach, you just recognize that when you’re getting pulled a little this way, you just pull yourself back this way, when you’re, you know, so you’re doing more of this than this. And as you get better with your boundaries, you’ll be able to, you know, stay a little stay a little closer to center, but you’re always going to be cold, you know, you’re at your kids soccer game, and then you’re in an inspection and then you’re at, you know, an appraisal, and then you’re going to get your haircut and then you’re, you know, you’re in all these things. But the boundary piece, I think, one, one thing that comes up also in the monkey mindset steps is about direct communication. I think agents need to think very clearly and be intentional about setting those boundaries and managing those expectations at the very beginning of the relationship. And it’s so tough, I get it, I was a new broker, I still make this mistake, you know, you some, you get a new lead, and you’re so excited, and you want to do a good job, and you want them to, you know, connect with you. And we go right into the relationship like, Oh, my God, I’m so glad you called What can I do for you, and we forget that little tiny piece, that’s going to save us from the drama like later on, right. And so, you know, direct communication is is tough for some people. And I don’t want to make a blanket statement, but I think more women struggle with it than that. But if you can be very clear in your communication with how you like to be communicated with, ask your clients how they like to be communicated with, you know, they say I really like to, I really like email, but then they’re texting you constantly. That’s, that’s a moment where you’re, you could say to them, Hey, you know, we talked about you really liking emails, but I’m noticing that you’re texting me all the time. Would you prefer for me to just text you, you know, like, you can constantly check in with your clients and check in with yourself? Do I feel like this person is pushing me, you know, and then there’s always the piece of how do you want to be treated by people. And when someone is you know, we’ve all seen clients go off the rails because they’re so stressed and they don’t know how to handle that stress. And it’s a big deal. And we want to be there for them. But we also have to protect ourselves from from being you know, abused or being put upon and taking on things that really aren’t our responsibility. And so, like I said, I think the way to do that is to really be clear at the very beginning of the relationship and you set you know, you set the standards for how you would like to be treated and what your expectation Kids are and when someone shows you that they’re not capable of like maintaining that boundary, I think it’s okay to check in with them and say, Hey, I know this is stressful, what can you know? What can we do to get through this together, we’re a team, I’m on your side, you know, make sure you work with an attorney who’s on your side. And the other piece, I’ll add, and this is something that comes up in coaching a lot, and I wish it didn’t, but it does, people get pulled into the drama, okay. And they forget that if you start telling your client, the drama that’s going on with you and the other broker who maybe didn’t show up the way they should have, or maybe isn’t someone you like a whole bunch, or whatever this, whatever it is, shield your client from that, don’t bring your client into those little convert off conversations that you maybe have with an attorney with another broker with an inspector, another, you know, maybe the painter, anything you can do to shield your clients from any of that extra drama from what they’re already feeling is going to work in your favor. And that that’s what creates a professional relationship. And it also creates great referrals, because you want your clients to have a good experience. You don’t want them to be sitting at, you know, Starbucks listening to you be like, I can’t believe that broker didn’t show up, and how can they do that to us, and then they cancelled at the last minute, and what are they thinking? Because the clients already thinking all of that, right? And all you can do is try to be a shield and a sword, right? You protect them. And you You’re their champion, but you’re also shielding them from any extra drama that they just don’t need to be a part of. And it’s hard to do that. That’s self management, right? When you feel like Oh, my God, this person just completely screwed up. Right? Like, you really feel that, but you have a choice about whether to drag your client into that conversation.
D.J. Paris 36:56
Yeah, it’s so true. And you know, and people do need to vent but your client is not the one to vent to. And and if you need someone to vent to find another realtor and say, will you be my dancing partner all
Unknown Speaker 37:09
day? If you need to do that, right. Yeah.
D.J. Paris 37:13
But you’re so right. And it is it is it’s interesting. I was recently and I’ll keep this anonymous, I was recently talking with a top producer, a female top producer in the in the United States, prior to us going on the show, and we were chatting. And this is one of the top real estate agents in the country, actually. And she is very successful and has been doing this I think 15 or 20 years and is just the nicest person. And she said you wouldn’t believe how other real estate agents talk to me. And she said Not always but it happens because I just assumed Oh, she’s so popular and so successful that everyone’s going to be nice, the broker on the other side of the deal, which of course is called a cooperative commission, but it isn’t always so cooperative. And she said, DJ, you would be shocked. And she said the same thing. She goes, I just never talked about that with my client, because it’s none of their business. They don’t need to know it and I don’t want to poison them against this other agent. But you know, but she goes I talk about it with my with my my broker friends, we talk about it, but she’s She said the same thing. She goes, I never bring that to my clients, because it’s really has nothing to do with them. And I just do, you know, always want to show up professionally.
Unknown Speaker 38:27
Yeah, and it’s and you know, in a in a from a global standpoint, right? There is already a belief system that brokers are whatever, car salesman skeevy whatever, you know, whatever people carry around about real estate brokers. And so if you start to talk like that, all you’re doing is reinforcing that belief system to somebody right? And I work really hard to to just kind of make sure we’re reinforcing that we are professional and that we are providing a service and making sure our clients are protected and getting and getting what they need from the from the transaction because it is it is a huge, huge thing for our clients. Whether we remember that in every moment like we were talking about before we you know, signed on about having beginner’s mind, right? You have to remember that for them. This is not routine. This is not you know, this is their first time and it’s a big deal.
D.J. Paris 39:22
Yeah, remembering what your client is experiencing is is difficult. I think for agents who deal with this day in and day out, which of course our listeners and our viewers do. And what I’ve always thought is just check in with your your client, ask them how they’re feeling. How are you feeling right now? Are you feeling anxiety? Are you feeling confident? You know, is what can I do to help you feel more secure about what’s happening? And if you just check in, oh my gosh, I mean, all of us in life, not all of us but a lot of us in life are just waiting for somebody to reach out and go How are you doing? So you can do that professionally? And of course we know you Know the stress of buying or selling a home is a big deal for a lot of people who, especially who aren’t in the business. So I think that is such a great tip. Let’s talk I want to talk about your podcast to say that we’ve spent so much time on the monkey mindset. And by the way, we only scratched the surface of this 10 steps to creating the life you want. And Christina, of course, is is available for coaching, if you are a real estate professional looking for somebody to help you through, you know, the perils and the challenges of being a successful real estate agent, or just even getting to that next level and feeling like, I just need some help. But let’s talk about your podcast. She’s on top, which I know is launching very shortly. And I’m super excited to hear about it. Yeah, so
Christine Carr 40:42
I was doing a different podcast based on some of my monkey stuff. And it was called Be kind to your monkey mind. And it was fun. But it didn’t really grab me the way I was kind of hoping because I’m high energy, I like to talk to people. And so I got this idea to launch more of an interview podcast very similar to this with other women in the Chicago area who are in leadership positions, right. So basically, kind of creating a table to talk about the challenges, and the successes and the shift in our in our culture right now. Because I really feel like, you know, we need we, you know, we talked a little bit about that balance before. And I’m a firm believer that because our culture, and basically our whole world has been so heavily masculine driven, that it’s gotten us in some trouble, right. And right now we’re kind of in this place where the pendulum is shifting back a little bit. And what I hope to, you know, kind of gain from this conversation is how do we, how do we take what we know about a really, really dominant male experience, and a really, really dominant female experience and bringing those things together so that we can create, you know, the life and the world and the culture that we all strive for, right? I mean, even in terms of like, I always think about it from the perspective of like, of our Earth, right Mother Earth, she’s suffering, right, because we’re not taking care of our emissions, we’re not taking care of, you know, the World Food population, we’re not taking care of, you know, all these things that are global issues that affect every single person, right. And I know, that’s really, that’s like big picture. But I feel like the women who are already in leadership right now, they’re on the frontlines of this really, really changing world. And I’m fascinated by their experiences. And also, circling back to the monkey mindset, one of the one of the steps in the monkey mindset is to create a mastermind for yourself, to surround yourself with people who are doing what you want to do, who look like your future, who are successful, who are positive, who are smart, all those things. And so one of the boxes that I’m checking for myself is to try to surround myself with those types of women. And so I’ve invited them to my table and to talk about all the different things and it’s been amazing. It’s just amazing, all different kinds of women, you know, attorneys and brokers. And, you know, gun owner, gun shop owners and personal trainers and Yoga people and authors and chefs and a woman who I’m speaking to tomorrow owns her own cosmetics company. And it’s just, it’s just been amazing. Like, I’m having the most fun with it. Super exciting,
D.J. Paris 43:32
that it’s really exciting. And I love that real estate is one of those professions that seems to be, you know, as I don’t know, the statistics of male to female as far as realtor numbers, but
Christine Carr 43:46
more women in real estate than men. Yeah.
D.J. Paris 43:49
Yeah, I assume. I assume that was true. And so for our listeners out there, you know, whether you’re men or women, creating a mastermind group of people that are having a similar experience to you, whether it’s, they’re in the same profession, or in Christine’s case, she’s having conversations with, you know, business professionals who are female, who really want to share their story and also talk about the challenges of what it’s like to be a woman in leadership. And, and that is, so I mean, that’s really the same sort of thing we’re doing on our show. We just, ours isn’t gender specific, but ours is talking to realtors who were at the top and, and really, what was the best part about realtors? The the part I liked the most with realtors, is that in only a few cases is that have I ever interviewed somebody who was kind of just born at the top with their real estate career? They sort of got handed, you know, a book of business. It’s very rare. It certainly can happen. But it is by far the exception rather than the rule. And I imagine the women that you’re interviewing on your show also are people who have created something oftentimes probably from very little and then gone on to To do this, and so if you’re a listener out here, who is trying to build a real estate practice and feeling like, you know, my sphere of influence just isn’t that big, I don’t have a ton of wealthy friends that want me to help them buy and sell million dollar condos? Well, a lot of people started without that sphere of influence. And but if you can find other people who have gone before you, boy, you just learned so much about what to do, and also what not to do.
Christine Carr 45:26
Yeah, and if you go out, if you go throughout history, this is a random thing. But there’s a book called Think and Grow Rich, it was, it was it was, it’s very popular. Yeah, and it was one of the very first like, personal achievement, self help books that was ever created, honestly. And it was right after the Great Depression. So people were just trying to figure out how to how to regroup and get something going for themselves. But one of the very specific things that he talks about in this book is about the mastermind. And what it really does is it creates by bringing like minds together and people who are trying to create something, it creates what’s called the third mind. And the third mind is really, really powerful. And so as a young broker, a new broker, you know, just surround yourself, not necessarily with other people who are that, you know, top producers, because that’s amazing, too. If you have an opportunity to have a mentor, I highly recommend that. But if you don’t have someone who’s you know, in your original, you know, group, find some other newer brokers and set some group goals for yourself and support each other and hold yourself accountable, you have to be really careful when you pick that group, right? Don’t pick people who are not trying to get anywhere, because we all have those friends, too. It’s great to have friends who will commiserate with you, and who will, you know, talk over a glass of wine about how everything sucks, or you know, you’re talking about your bad breakup, or whatever that is that that collusion in negativity has to be a really quick, temporary moment, right? When you pick your mastermind, and your people who you want to surround yourself with that are going to get you to that next level, you want to pick people who are serious about it, people who you trust, and people who you trust to call you out when you’re not showing up. And that you would do that for as well. Super important.
D.J. Paris 47:22
Yeah, this idea of a mastermind group, it’s probably Gosh, it’s so important for so many different reasons. And it really satisfies a lot of our need for community. And also accountability. And just this repetition of this is another person who is of like mind, or maybe it has already figured some things out that maybe I haven’t yet figured out. And we can teach each other and we can support each other because we all need support. We all need coaching. We all need, you know, and community, we all need our tribe. And so mastermind is it’s about finding your tribe, and anyone who whose energy, just being around them makes you sort of excited or energetic or more energetic than that’s somebody to consider adding in and just about every person I’ve ever interviewed on the show has their version of a tribe, they have some sort of support system in place with, you know, like minded people who they rely upon when things get challenging, or that they can just, you know, challenge each other with and learn from.
Christine Carr 48:29
Yeah, and it’s science based, we absorb the energy of the people who are around us positive and negatives. And so you know, whether you like it or not, and so if you’re an environment, so one of the pieces in the in the monkey mindset is that you may have to one of the one of the steps is, what are you willing to let go of in order to get what you want? And sometimes that’s a relationship, right? Like, if you’re surrounding yourself with someone who doesn’t support you, or who really doesn’t have your best interest at heart? Or maybe they just don’t believe that what you’re trying to do is a real thing, like for me, you know, oh, you’re gonna do a podcast? Why would you do that? Like, if you hear that from your person, that’s that support that’s undermining, right. But we don’t want to see that because we feel like we need that person more than we need to be alone, right? Like sometimes, in order to make to take that leap. We have to be willing to look at these relationships and maybe step away or distance ourselves from certain people who don’t support the mission or the plan or whatever it is that you’re trying to do for yourself. And then that can be painful, but at the same time, those are the same people who are going to be like, Oh, I used to know her. She’s amazing, right?
D.J. Paris 49:43
That’s very, that’s very true. And, you know, what we’re really talking about with all of this is just being intentional, right? So so we’ve talked about this a little bit of this idea of planning, and it doesn’t mean planning necessarily your your day or the hour of course. You know, we should all plan our lives. But this is, you know, a thing. We’re saying, okay, you know, I need to take stock of my business, I need to take stock of my life, I need to see that those two things are really one, even though of course, we separate them with boundaries, but they affect each other. How am I showing up personally? How am I showing up professionally? Who are the people that are in my orbit? Who are they helping me show up better? Are they you know, bringing me down? Are they you know, and what can I do to get out of my own way, and also make sure other people aren’t getting in my way more than what we already have to deal with just walking around through this world where people are going to get in your way all the time. But the people that you surround yourself with, that you’re intentional about can really be a source of support, you’re not in this alone. This is an industry where you can do everything from, you know, a Zoom meeting now and your house, and never even really have to go face to face to do anything with respect to real estate. And you know, it can feel very isolating. And so this is the time to really build up your community. And you know, Christine obviously has a ton of great ideas on how to do that she’s got a podcast develop about her creating her own community of women in leadership. And she’s got she’s a coach, and she can help you walk through all of those steps. So I want to encourage everyone who is listening or watching to check out Christine’s podcast. Again, women in leadership, whether you’re a man or a woman, you should always be interested in talking to successful people in life. And so check out the she’s on top podcast. And also if you’re somebody who is looking for a coach, and really wants to get to the next level and just become, you know, a more sort of holistic a broker who is really, you know, in touch with with what they like to do, what they what they have challenges with, then you need to get a coach, you can’t solve all of your own problems yourself as we would be great if we could, sadly, we can’t. So you need a coach, and you should try reach out to Christine. But Christine, if someone’s interested in working with you directly, what’s the best way they should reach out,
Christine Carr 52:10
they can go to my website and fill something out, which is www dot monkey mind.com. Or they can message me on Facebook. I’m Christine Carr Chicago. You can find me on Instagram monkey mind Chicago, on Twitter, I’m on Tik Tok, you can find me anywhere you want. And I’m happy to happy to talk to you about whatever it is, you know you’re looking for. I’d love to hear from you.
D.J. Paris 52:33
Yeah, and I’m curious to sit to go see if you’re doing dance videos on Tiktok. Because
Christine Carr 52:39
I posted a dance video this morning. And it was so funny. I had to post it I actually so I think it’s kind of ironic that at the end of the video, if you watch till the end, I throw the tennis ball for the dog and I shattered a glass. Oh no thinking about how that pertains to like shattering glass ceilings, right? So I was like, All right, today’s the day I’m gonna be on keepin it real, and it’s gonna keep going good from there.
D.J. Paris 53:05
And your podcast. She’s on top is all about women who are shattering those glass ceilings, too. So everyone should visit Christine at our website, you can learn about everything she does, whether you’re somebody who’s looking to work with a top real estate agent here in the Chicago area, whether you’re an agent from anywhere in the country who wants to a coach, or if you just want to check out her podcast, which you should do all of those things. But you can find her at her website, which is monkey mind. chicago.com. Again, monkey mind chicago.com. Christine, thank you so much for being on our show you were a wonderful guest, we had so many great tips and advice. And I love the fact that we had a deeper psychological conversation, which is oftentimes not talked about on our show as much as I would like, because I think it’s so integrated with with how we show up professionally. So thank you for that. And on behalf of our listeners, thank you for spending this hour with us. We know how busy you are. And also on behalf of Christina myself, we want to thank all of our listeners and viewers for continuing to support our podcast as well as hers. Again, it’s all cheese on top. So definitely tell a friend about both of our podcasts. Any anyone who is looking to be inspired by women who have, you know, really gone out and achieved maybe even despite some insurmountable odds, check out the she’s on top podcast. And again, I’ll also tell a real estate professional about our podcast, which is keeping it real. And yeah, just think of one other real estate agent that could benefit from hearing this great conversation that we just had with Christine, and send them a link to our show, which easiest way to do that. Find us on our website, which is keeping it real pod.com Again, keeping it real pod.com. Christine, thank you so much. And we will see everyone on the next episode.
Christine Carr 54:44
Thank you. So nice to be here. Thanks for having me on. And anybody has any comments or questions about what we talked about? Leave us a message. I’d love to hear what your feedback is.
D.J. Paris 54:54
Great. Well, we will see everyone on the next show. Thank you guys