In his second interview as a Keeping It Real Podcast guest, Lawrence Dunning from Mainstreet Real Estate Group talks about the importance of learning and how we need to find time to consistently grow our industry knowledge. Lawrence also extensively talks about how “everything counts” and how lifestyle choices affect our mental and physical health. As a professional athlete he emphasizes the importance of mental strength in order to face life’s challenges.
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D.J. Paris 0:00
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Hello, and welcome to another episode of Keeping it real, the largest podcast made by real estate agents and for real estate agents. My name is DJ Paris, I am your guide and host through the show. And in just a moment, we’re going to be speaking once again with Lawrence Dunning here in Chicago. Before we get to Lawrence, I would love to ask everybody for just one quick favor. We our mission is to reach as many real estate professionals as we can through this podcast. And if everyone who’s listening right now can just think of one other real estate agent that could benefit from hearing these interviews, please pass them this podcast, you can send them directly to our website, which we just rebuilt, which is keeping it real pod.com Or just have them look it up on their podcast app of choice. And they will find us this really helps us keep going and also gives us feedback on how we’re doing. So thank you so much in advance for supporting our show and telling a friend and now on to our interview with Lauren stunning.
Today on the show we have Lauren stunning. This is our Part Two from the Dunning team at Main Street Real Estate Group in Chicago. Let me tell you a little bit about Lawrence. He was born in London, he graduated with an MBA in finance and got a job at a lending Trading Company which sent him to a few cities and countries. Before he settled in Chicago. He ended up leaving the traded company and at 24. With a partner he set up his own trading company, which he ran until he was 30. And then he decided to step away from business to pursue athletic goals, which had to be done while he was young. And these athletic goals. He spent five years pursuing these are MMA fights, getting his black belt in jujitsu, etc. He became convinced at the end of that of the real estate investing model and bought his first investment property which was a commercial strip mall. I got his broker’s license five years ago, and has been a traditional agent as well. Now for the last three years. He’s a top 1% producer here in Chicago. And he believes he you know, he built a successful trading company and then rebuilt himself and changed careers into real estate, but he use the same principles of business in both and there’s lots of crossover as well with athletic success in pro sports. Welcome once again, Lawrence. Thanks for coming back to the show.
Lawrence Dunning 3:26
Thanks so much, TJ. It’s great to be here. Thanks. And
D.J. Paris 3:29
by the way we should mention to our listeners you can find Lawrence online. His website is the ton the Dunning team Dunning is two ends, the Dunning team dot Main Street real estate group.com But you can also find him on Facebook, just search for Lauren stunning, as well as on LinkedIn. So Lauren’s fun is kind of funny. The last time we had we had to sort of snack foods that happened during our show. One was on my side. I think one was on your side. Maybe they’re both on my side, but I died. Your battery died. Oh, that was that was the second one. The first one was me as I had eaten a pumpkin seed salad with probably 500 pumpkin seeds raw, which are supposedly very healthy. And I was eating spinach and pumpkin seeds. And this was 30 minutes before which I will not ever do again because I went into a coughing fit. Then we released this episode A few weeks later, right when the Coronavirus pandemic had hit and I’m coughing like crazy. probably confused a lot of people thinking, you know, oh gosh, hopefully it’s not. You can’t contract it just by listening because it probably sounded like I was very sick. Truth be told I just had a pumpkin seed in my throat. But we’re happy to have you back and yeah, the world has changed dramatically. Since we had our first episode, how have things changed for you?
Lawrence Dunning 4:56
Yeah, it’s been crazy. It’s funny because we we did the show and I know you prefer recorded a couple of months, a couple of weeks before releasing it. Yeah. And then during during those few weeks between recording and releasing, it was just when the lockdowns were starting and everything. And I felt so insecure as like, I didn’t want to promote this this podcast because it looks like I’m such an awful the whole world’s going and locked down. And you and I just chatting about life. You know, that’s, that’s, that kind of sums up this period, right it changing week to week. So it’s been it’s been really interesting. It’s been. It’s been very frustrating. You know, I’m not, I think a lot of people have been very frustrated in different ways throughout this whole thing. So if you’re going through a rough time, I think that the best thing to remember is don’t feel alone. And I remember I was having a real rough day. And I spoke to a good friend of mine who opened up a restaurant, San Francisco, and the poor guy, he opened up three years ago, and he said all the money he made that he was saving the last three years he lost in two months. So I felt so bad for him. But it was a good reminder that I wasn’t alone with my own problems. And you know, you’re not alone. The listeners aren’t alone. We’re all going through something. So it’s been a really tough time. And just really quickly, one of my favorite things to do is there’s so much information out there podcast, stuff on the internet, great books to read, you know, audio books, all these things. So just sifting through all the stuff to spend your time on his heart. I just want to give one book recommendation. Yes, please want to give a shout out to my good friend, Brad Anastasia, he bought it for me. And a couple of weeks ago, I just finished it. It’s by the same author that wrote a book we were talking about before we went online, the Devil in the White City, which is about the Chicago welfare. And he wrote this great book, it’s called the splendid and the vile. And what it’s about is it’s about when the Second World War started. And Winston Churchill became prime minister in England. And then the his first year in office, which was very, very tumultuous that was when England was getting bombed by the Germans, and just London was getting you know, almost every night you’d go to bed and you weren’t sure if a bomb was gonna land on your roof and you’re gonna die. It is crazy, crazy stress. And a couple of couple of things that I really took away from the book apart from you know, it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s all it’s not a novel, it’s all historically accurate, based on first sources through well written for entertaining. But there’s two great lessons that really apply to what we’re going through now. And I think the first one is, you know, great careers, great leadership, great accomplishments and never built without some kind of struggle. And obviously, we’re not getting bombed every night. So it’s not quite the same. But a lot of people are going through very serious things, family members are getting sick. And, and it’s a real tough time. So it’s good to remember that a bit of historic perspective, sometimes, tough times never lost. We, you know, history has shown that we’ve always had these crazy things that at the time, you just can’t see an end an end to the, to the suffering, but we do you know, humanity is an amazing species, we do get through things. So I think that’s a good thing to remember for everybody. But the other thing, I really liked the way the author he ends the book, not at the end of the war, he ends the book, when
England England’s France falls in a couple of weeks, England says getting ravaged by the Germans, all the countries around Europe are falling. And the US I don’t know how many people know the US Hoover, very isolationist. They said they just been through the First World War, they didn’t want to get involved in another European war, right. And Roosevelt said, I just don’t want to be a part of this. And Churchill kept trying, like, you’re going to help us please, please, please. And he just he said like, he was very sympathetic, but the Congress just didn’t didn’t want anything to do with the war. So the book ends finally when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, and then Germany declares war on the US and the US declares war on Germany. And basically, Churchill knows that it’s not the end, there’s going to be a lot more pain and suffering, but he knows that victory is in sight. And it took another I think it was three more years after the US entered the war. And that’s a great thing to remember. I think were especially like, you and I talked a little bit about this last time. But most people listening to us right now you and I I’m sure most successful people that we look up to, no one is ever where they want to be. But if you’re heading in the right direction to where you want to be, you can be satisfied knowing you’re doing everything right, to get your life to where to where it’s going to be. So I think that that I that was a great reminder of that. And I love the fact that the author ended the book there on the heat, when church will realize that we’re not doomed. There is an end in sight, even though it’s three, you know, three years or over 1000 days, which is incredible pain and suffering and stress and crazy work and all this stuff. At least he knew the end was in sight. And I feel like that’s kind of where we’re at with it with the virus right now. It looks like with the state’s opening, the numbers are looking good. We definitely there was a period where you know, we weren’t really weren’t sure how serious this was was. And I think that most people realize it’s not as bad as we thought. And now we can start the process of reopening. So I think I’m trying to state take it’s been a very rough few months. You know, I’ve had a lot of different like, just like everybody has cost me financially hugely in many different ways. But as long as we focus on you know what we can control We’re all we focus on a health, we focus on knowing that better times are ahead. I think, you know, we can take some kind of optimism and some kind of positivity from from an awful, awful situation.
D.J. Paris 10:09
And you’ve been a professional athlete, you’ve had that career in addition to being not only a real estate investor, but but a successful broker as well. But but just from an athletic perspective, has that been challenging for you to get your workouts in? Has that completely shifted? Or are you still able to exercise in the way you want?
Lawrence Dunning 10:30
I initially, it was a real shock. I have a couple of things on my plate. At my office, you can see I have a I have a bike, that bike trainer, and then I have some kettlebells in the closet. And I’m so lucky to have that because I have a gym in my building. And I thought, you know, I have the jujitsu gym I go to and all these other gyms I thought, well, if they all close, I’ve always got the gym in my building. And, of course, they lock the building gym. I’m like, you’ve got to be kidding me. So I’d be very creative. I did. I did a challenge. There’s a there’s a kettlebell challenge, where you do 20 workouts, and each one is 500 swings. So when you’re done, you’ve done 10,000 swings. So I was alternating that with also running every day. And then there was a David Goggins challenge where you do 48 Miles put it out. So I’ve been trying to do all this stuff, I think, more important that, you know, the most important thing during this whole time has been something that I’m very upset that the media doesn’t really talk about, is instead of the things that we can’t do, what about the things we can do for our immune system, the most important thing, getting good sleep, eating well, mentally staying positive, nourishing your mind with positive things, not, you know, negative spirals and rabbit holes. And the other thing is just Yeah, exercise, I think it’s so important for your mind, you know, especially, there hasn’t been many for us. In Chicago, there hasn’t been many warm days that anytime the sun is out, I’m out there running, trying to get some vitamin D, there’s a lot of studies showing how good that is for your immune system and things like that. So I think that’s something that it’s been, I’ve been very trying to be very creative. And I’ve been very lucky that one thing I think, maybe for you, and a lot of people during this whole thing is, maybe if your regular social circle was seeing, you know, the odd person here and there, I feel like everyone’s social circle shrunk. So mine shrunk to just a handful of a couple of people I saw and two of them are very good friends. And we basically just been keeping each other accountable, working out together pretty much every day just. And that’s been really, really great. So I’ve missing jujitsu a lot. They close my gym, I’m missing, the camaraderie and the friendship and all that stuff. But I’ve been really lucky to have these two friends, Brad and Louis, who are just keeping me accountable, and we keep each other accountable. And I think it’s, it’s that I think that’s actually posts, all this craziness, once the world opens up, I think the best thing you can do for people that are struggling to keep up with their workout goals, is find an accountability partner, and to actually to tie it back into real estate. I read those a great book I read a long time ago when I first got into business, and it was and it was by a very, very successful broker, you know, over 100 million him and his team is selling. And one of the things he said is when he started, he had an older mentor, and he would email him every night last thing before he went to sleep. And he would just say what he’s done for the day. But not just what he’s done for the day, he would break it up and what he’s done for future prospecting, what he’s done for current clans and what he’s done. The third one that a lot of people forget what he’s done for his education. And I know that when I was when I was doing the business, and you get very, very busy, the education part, it kind of goes, that’s the first move, because you’re so busy. And we most of us focus on, you know, a phone’s always ringing, you got to, you know, take this client out for showings, right, this contract, run these comps, you know, you’re always running around appraisals, inspections, meet this person. And so it’s very easy that the prospect thing, it doesn’t have to be a long time. But I think it’s good to do a little bit every day reaching back out, keep in contact with clients, that for me, personally, it’s reading, it’s learning and reading and just, you know, that yesterday, I was playing with some buildings, investment bills, build a big spreadsheet, and I was trying to compare them. And just that for me is I’m always learning myself. And I think that’s the biggest mistake that I always look at people. And I think a lot of people do this. I look at someone I admire, and I say I look at him and I say he’s a finished product. I admire him, is he right? I don’t appreciate the fact that he’s evolving every day. And he’s been evolving every day. And we have to do the same thing.
D.J. Paris 14:18
And also, he’s got problems too. And he’s out of balance. And there’s parts of his life that he wishes were different because there’s people he looks up to that maybe has a certain thing figured out better than but so I think you’re right, I think this idea of measurement, measuring your daily activity, it is you so much more powerful, just at least from my perspective and my own personal experience. I’ll give you a perfect example. So I have been a writer most of my life I’ve always wanted to be a comedy writer, humor writer, mostly for not for television or movies, but but for other publications. And so I actually hit one of my life long my basically my lifelong goal just a few weeks ago is But I was very proud. It was more of a private thing. I didn’t really announce it. But I went home that night, you can probably appreciate this because you you’ve achieved some incredible things with athletics and business. And I was actually so it happened on whatever day, let’s say a Tuesday, I hit this basically lifelong dream. I got it done. And, and I went home, and I was really depressed. And I thought, Oh, this is going to be like my big celebration night. And we didn’t have any my girlfriend, I didn’t have anything to celebrate. She was wanting to celebrate. And I kind of said, you know, I’m actually a little bummed out. And not a little I was a lot bummed out. And it was confusing, because I had just achieved something. And I’m a little bit hard on myself, for sure. But I thought, Why am I so bummed out. And I realized, oh, I don’t know what’s next. I don’t know what to do next. Because what I should have been what really it and this is what people who are listening now probably have already heard this. But it’s a nice reminder of, you know, focus on activity, because if I had just gone home, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating, I absolutely am going to do that. When I’m going on a trip and a couple days, so we will celebrate. But I was really sad, because I got home and I realized I don’t have any discipline set up around this particular goal to keep going, I had achieved a very specific goal. And then I should have immediately went right back to the computer and started writing again. And I didn’t and I remember and then it was a good reminder. And it was actually I’m gonna I’m truly grateful that I was a little bummed out. Because it reminds me Oh, that’s not really worth the victory isn’t in the finish line. Because there really isn’t a finish line to victory isn’t all the discipline and just the activity. And then you know, the the finish line either comes or it moves or you don’t hit it. And it’s sort of irrelevant. In my mind, I don’t really care. And I’m learning that now. It’s like, oh, I just went to the top of that mountain and it wasn’t that big of a deal. What’s a big deal for me is all the work it takes. And I imagine you can probably relate to that.
Lawrence Dunning 16:55
I gotta I gotta unpack what you just said, TJ because you normally do this video guests. I’m gonna do with you now. Yeah. So what you just said is so it’s so fascinating in a few different things. Firstly, one of the one of my childhood heroes, you know, growing up in the 80s was Arnold Schwarzenegger, larger life, you know, watching his movies growing up. But the one thing as an adult that I respect so much about him is he’s had very many different successes. And a lot of people don’t know this. He was a millionaire investing in real estate in Santa Barbara before he was a millionaire for making movies. So he was he was a bodybuilding champion, then he was a middle millionaire through real estate investment, then he was the biggest movie star in the world for a decade plus, and then he went on to his political career. So he had four very distinct lives. Whereas most people with the achieve one of those four would be so happy reaching the pinegar he reached for the pinnacles. And when I read his biography, which was a fantastic book, one thing he said was, he has a whole shelf in his in his office of just, you know, photo album after photo from the most incredible things. And he said, You know, I just never looked back on them. Because I’m always looking forward, I don’t look back. So a lot of successful people, that’s what they do. And it’s kind of a curse. And just like, because, honestly, like, I’m telling you as a friend, now, you need to take some time and just meditate and think about that accomplishment, because you’re, I 100% agree with what you said it is the journey. But also we it’s it’s so important for driven people to take a step back and see how far we’ve come. Otherwise, we go through life, always you’re always wanting to get more, get more, you know, you’ve got your goals, you’re always striving and you’re just never going to be happy. So I think that’s a and I know exactly what you said what you’re saying, I remember I had a I had an MMA fight. And the guy I think that my original opponent was a tough guy, he got injured or something and they got a last minute replacement. And he was a weight class below me. And it was a pretty easy, easy, easy fight. I choked him out at the first round. And I didn’t feel good. I was like, I trained so hard. And I wanted this wasn’t about beating a guy who shouldn’t it was a bomb. You know, he’s, he was like a street fighter. I have a lot of fights, lost a lot, won a few. He was just kind of just just he just did it because he wasn’t fighting in a cage. And we find it on a Saturday night. And I remember the next day, my my good friend, Brad, I’ve been training with this past few months, he and I run a half marathon together because I was just like, I gotta get up and do something because I don’t feel good. I feel like I cheated myself. And I think that’s a very common thing among among achievers, either. If, if, if it’s not as hard as you thought you don’t feel good. And even if you’d like you, you achieved this great goal. But you’re you’re so you’re so attuned to the process that even you can you can you realize that the goal is not the end, it’s the process. And that’s so hard for people people to remember. But I think it’s a great reminder that there is it’s a great reminder for people that are miserable and what they’re doing. And they think, you know, like if I just do this for X amount of years, then I can I can retire and they don’t actually analyze what is retirement going to entail. Is that going to make me happy? Is it really sitting on a beach drinking my ties, you know, after a couple of weeks is not going to get a bit boring and actually have a good friend who financially is in his early 40s. He’s very smart. He’s got a lot of investments. He told me He can retire right now. And then he thought about it. He said, he said, at the end of the year, I think I’m gonna retire. And then he got this incredible anxiety and he was like, What the hell am I gonna fill my time with. And I think that it’s a great reminder that it’s, if if what you’re doing is so miserable, and whatever it is that you’re doing. And you think that the end goal is is to is to retire, that’s not going to be you should make the change now and embrace the struggle and try to find as, as a great Martin Seligman, he’s a hero to positive psychology, and I love it. He says, his big thing him and a couple other guys, they started this new movement in psychology and said, Let’s stop trying to get people who are a complete mess to average, let’s focus on getting average people to excellence, and to, you know, a fulfilled life. And one of his things is find your signature strengths, things that you’re good at things that, you know, that inspire you to get out of the bed in the morning, and try to mold your job around both your signature strengths. And then the bigger picture is, is just doing something where you’re giving back to society, like if your signature strength is, you know, being a killer, and you’re an assassin, you’re probably not going to get too much job satisfaction out of being an assassin. So his point was, you know, you’ve got it, you’ve got to try to meld those two things together. And I think that’s what, you know, I took his test. And that’s why I really liked the real estate side, because a lot of my signature strengths is entrepreneurship and risk taking, and I crave novelty and learning and I can make, that my real estate career can be one of constantly, you know, you never know what the day is going to bring. You’re always learning you’re being around a lot of fascinating, you know, high net worth people. And so I’m trying to create my my work life and my signature strengths where they’re kind of running parallel. So I think that’s a really great reminder for people but I just, I just have to emphasize what you said is so it’s so strong, about just not it’s not about the goal, it’s about the process, because I think too many people it there’s a famous, a famous saying in MMA and so specifically wrestling, sorry, and it’s embrace the grind. Yeah. And I think that once you, like, if you think about a fight, like if you if you’re training for weeks and weeks, you’re cutting weight, you’re just so miserable, you and I actually had the same thing where I would be a month out, and I would think I don’t even want to live the next month in my life, I because it’s so much work, it’s so much mental stress, it’s hard. Exactly. And I just I want to get to the stage where I fight and and it’s over, and I can just relax and it’s gonna feel so good, especially if it goes well. And now looking back, it’s like, Man, there was there was some of the
greatest months of my life was that incredible striving and suffering. And I have such fond memories of it. But it was hard to appreciate at the time. So just by changing that mindset and saying, Hey, I’m going to embrace the grind, I’m going to embrace the suck, it’s a great thing to remember, because then then you can enjoy the journey more the day to day God.
D.J. Paris 22:47
Well, that’s, that’s so true. And resistance is what creates growth, right? Whether it’s you’re lifting a heavier muscle, then you can you can lift, you’re gonna create those micro tears in your muscle and they’re gonna repair themselves and be stronger. It is, you know, there’s, there’s a great, a great book, since we’re recommending books that I recommend. It’s a book by an author I deeply, deeply admire named Robert, it’ll come to me in a second, but the name The name of the book is called meeting the dragon and then the sub that the subheading is really what I wanted mentioned, which is called ending your suffering by entering your pain, essentially, basically saying, you know, don’t avoid pain. And it doesn’t mean you know, necessarily physical pain could be emotional pain, but dive into it, learn how to tolerate, you know, discomfort and pain. And then eventually you go, Oh, it isn’t so difficult, I can actually tolerate some of this challenge. And I think right now we’re in a environment where we’re all a little bit more uncomfortable than we were at least most of us and it’s a real opportunity to learn how to tolerate and and to appreciate some of the comforts that we probably maybe took for granted and now we’re we’re not as comfortable so it’s a good opportunity to learn how to tolerate but also I’m going to tie it back to also something you said at the beginning which is about having if we think balance is the goal but balance is pretty much unattainable but that’s okay because we’re not perfect people but it measuring and I don’t mean measuring as far as how close are you to your goal but measuring around did I take you know specifically think about real estate you know did I prospect today for even if they’re even if it was for 10 minutes, if that’s all I could get get to doing? There’s there’s a philosophy called no more zero days and all you have to do is one thing one thing you don’t have to prospect perfectly for five hours because you know, Brian Buffini talked a lot about this has talked a lot about this over his career with with his coaching and training systems, which he says, you know, look, you might be spending if you’re working eight hours a day, you might spend seven of those hours doing customer service, dealing with your clients, helping them doing all the things that Realtors do once somebody says hey, I want to work with you And that might take up seven of eight hours. And if that’s if that’s the case, well, you might feel like you had a really successful day. But and you might have, but if you also said, Well, did I do something to actually prospect for new business today? And the answer is no, that he would say, Well, you didn’t really win the day. You don’t need to beat yourself up. But you need to realize, like, okay, maybe if I’m only even spending 30 minutes, educating myself on the market, and maybe another 30 minutes prospecting, and then the other six hours, if I’m only working eight hours, I’m just dealing with clients, that’s a win, that’s a victory. Or if you didn’t exercise at all today, and you’re just about to go into bed, do two push ups do something. And then you can say, well, at least I did something. And so just Yeah, keeping all of that, and making sure that you’re you’re measuring each area of your life, you know, spiritually, physically, emotionally, career, all of those things, and just making sure you know, what those daily disciplines are. I love
Lawrence Dunning 25:57
that. So a couple of things I can just add to that, please, when you’re, if you have a great grandiose goal, so for instance, I say, you know, this year, I want to sell 25 million myself, I don’t have it’s just just me, it’s it’s very hard. And it can be paralyzing for a lot of people to wait, how do I get there? When you stop breaking it down? A lot of people talk about, you know, okay, well, 25, that’s a little over 2 million a month. And then what is that half a million a week. But I don’t even like that I really liked the the mentality of just, if you if you win the day, and you do the right processes, then the results take care of themselves. So there’s, I’ve been listening to a lot of Scott Adams, he’s a yeah, he was the Dilbert guys. Exactly. He he’s become a bit of a political commentator, which I don’t like his political stuff too much. But I really like his, his kind of his business mindset. He talks a lot about processes over goals. And because the thing with goals is, if you say, Well, you know, back when I was five years old, okay, my goal is to win the Golden Globes. Well, when I was boxing, when I was when I was a kid, the problem is what I remember one Golden Gloves I trained so hard, I should have the year before I want, I should have won. And one of my fights I just ate too soon, I had really bad stomach cramps, and I just I just could barely move in one of the fights. And of course, I lost a decision. And it was like, I couldn’t prepare for that. That was just that’s one of the tough things about kind of sports in general, you have good days, you have bad days, you can only control what you can control. And you know, it’s one of the reasons sports is exciting is because, you know, you have these big upsets, people have bad days, etc. So, but if you beat it, so you can’t beat yourself up necessarily about whether you achieve your goal. But you can definitely say, you know, if I’m doing jujitsu now and I say, Well, I’ve got a tournament in a month. And rather than saying, I’ve got a win this time, I don’t know who I’m facing, I could face a guy who’s been doing jujitsu since he was three, and he’s never done anything else in his life. And he’s got better genetics than me, and he’s gonna, he’s gonna smoke me, you know, that’s, so I can’t control that. But what I can control is I can say, I’m going to work out, you know, eight times a week, I’m going to walk what welcome my diet, my strength and conditioning, my flexibility, my yoga, my recovery, my mental strength, all this stuff, and I’m going to be the best me I can be in four weeks, and I’m gonna give it my best. So I think when you focus on the on the processes, not the end goal, that really, really helps.
D.J. Paris 28:13
Yeah, absolutely. processes is it’s well, it’s all you can control, right? Like I just said, and if you set up, I’m sorry, go ahead.
Lawrence Dunning 28:21
Oh, no, it’s just gonna add one. One last thing to that. And this is this is more for new agents. And I know definitely speaking to some friends of mine at the office, the last few months for me to a lot of stuff was falling through there was a lot of, you know, there’s with the there’s not just the fear of the unknown the last few months, but a lot of people lending her that the banks aren’t stupid, they’re not going to give loans to people that are then going to say, Hey, I can’t pay because I’m not making money because of the virus. So the lending really tightened up. And I know a lot of my colleagues were very, very frustrated that everything was falling through, they had these willing buyers who couldn’t get that loans. And, you know, they were very frustrated. But if they just focus, it’s it, you have to make time your ally. So if you do the wrong things, if you’re trying to diet the day, you look great, so you don’t have to, but if you Oh, I do trust me. But if you are trying to diet, and tonight, you ended up having a few beers on yourself where you said Screw this, you ate three pizzas and a couple of tubs of ice cream. Tomorrow, you’re going to wake up you’re not going to look very different. When you take your look in the mirror. It’s just one day. But if you keep doing that, obviously, you know your your physique is going to it’s going to look look pretty bad over time, because you’re doing the wrong thing. So then time becomes your enemy. But if you do the right things, you might not see it now because you know, lending stuff and it’s weird times. But if you keep doing those things we talked about time is going to become your ally and over time it’s I don’t know if it’s going to be next week or next month when you’re going to start closing again as a broker but it is going to happen and I love that one of my good friends I remember years ago as bummed out of a breakup or something and he said he’s like look at you you’re still you know your work is going great. You’re you’re working out every day you’re mentally strong. You’re doing great things, you being social being around people Well, it’s just a matter of time. And of course, you know, two weeks later, I was fine. So it’s, you want it, whatever situation you’re in that you don’t like, as long as you do the right things you’re going to be okay. And the biggest, I think the biggest thing I see among people is, is their goal. They’re here, and their goal is here. And there’s so many steps, they can’t fathom how they’re going to get there. And so don’t even don’t even think about that angle. Think about, you know, this, like what you said, you said, if I have a day, where I can read for 30 minutes or more, and I get a good and I get a good sweat on whatever kind of some kind of exercise that for me is a good day. Anything else is a bonus. Even if all my clients don’t answer my calls, every deal falls through, you know, my wife’s grumpy and yelling at me, everything else is a debacle. I’m still happy because I know that I did the minimum I improved my mind a little bit. And I kept my health and I think that’s so that’s so great, because a lot of people I think Jordan Peterson talked about this too. He said aim down. And it’s such a when I heard I aim down what the hell’s this guy talking about, but it makes sense because it’s, it’s too paralyzing to have these huge goals. So focus on the processes, aim down, you know, focus on what you can control, make time your ally, and then it’s just a matter of time to get where you want to be.
D.J. Paris 31:12
Yeah, to another Jordan Peterson quote, which is very similar to the aim down has to do with keep your keep your bedroom clean, if you if you don’t know what to do at the moment, go clean up your bedroom, see how that makes you feel when you you know, clean up just a little bit of a, you know, pardon the pun, but a corner of your world, in this case, a physical space. Or, or you know, another version of that is go out for a run or do some push ups or whatever it is to that, you know, is something healthy. Because we’re all going to do unhealthy things to that’s just we’re just imperfect people. So if you can, if you can kind of white knuckle it to do something healthy, even if you don’t want to. And by the way, I’d also say Stop waiting to get motivated. Because unless you’re extremely lucky. Motivation just doesn’t really come to me. Unless I’m, you know, once in a blue moon inspiration hits motivation heads, but and you’re an athlete, you probably laugh at this idea of motivation. It’s like, No, you just have to get out there and kind of force yourself to do it. And, and you know, just showing up is 90% of it. My mom used to say that she she works out every single day. She has for years and years. And I used to I used to say, Boy, I wish I loved working out as much as you do. And she laughed. She’s like, I don’t like working out. It’s the worst. But it’s but she goes I know I should do it. I go well, if it’s so hard for you, how do you do it? She goes, I just put my shoes on the side of the right right beneath the bed. And I wake up and I just she goes if I think about it, I won’t do it. So I put on the shoes and I walk out the door. And she’s I go that’s the secret. She’s like, it’s the only thing that works for me. Because I think about it, I’ll stop.
Lawrence Dunning 32:41
That’s such a small thing. But it’s not. So just I’m, I’m I’m going to work off of this. And I have actually when I was walking the office, particularly, I had my my stuff and the neat pile, you know, my workout clothes. And I think that was one thing when this first went down, I think Yale I think a few universities did this. But Yale was offering this free course called The Science of Happiness. And yeah,
D.J. Paris 33:04
I’ve taken it. Yeah. The woman, the woman that that runs, it is amazing. Yes,
Lawrence Dunning 33:11
instructor, Laurie Laurie’s and Laura something. So one of the things and they were talking about, you know, diet, and they said, just leaving whether you leave fruit out, or whether you leave cereal out that if they look at studies, you know, three months later, that makes a huge difference if someone’s lost weight or gain weight, and like the simplest smallest things. And one thing, I really noticed that I really liked the fact that we’re talking about this, because I’ve listened to a lot of your shows, and maybe a lot of top agents do it, but they don’t really mention it enough. And I think one of the reasons that I really liked that guy, Scott Adams is I read what my brother bought me one of his books, it’s called How to fail at nearly everything and still win big. And it was one of the first business books he talked a lot about his business failures and, and what he learned from them and why it made him an ultimate success is because he’s just trying to get as many as much knowledge and talents as he can. And then he becomes a more all his skills combined to make better future decisions. That was kind of the one thing he had a whole chapter, a whole chapter on a book about business pretty much where he’s talking about health. And this is an older guy. I think he’s in his 50s, maybe late 50s, I think. And I remember reading it and I thought, wow, that’s one of the first people that I’ve read in a business book that really goes out of the way to explain about health, diet, sleep exercise. And I think that’s that’s me personally, that’s one of my biggest things is no billionaire on his deathbed wishes for more money. They all want more health, and yet at the same time, and I see a lot of my good very, very good friends who are very successful financially have let their health kind of go by the wayside. And it’s always one thing I’m so grateful I learned from my dad who’s 70 and he’s a crazy, crazy endurance athlete last couple of months ago he was climbing like for a month in Nepal. He was climbing one of the mountains Everest. In the summer he hiked across the Alps in France like he’s he’s a he’s just a life. Long athlete and, you know, always looked after his health, pretty much I grew up always, you know, running with Anders working out with him. He just he built it into the fabric of his life. And I just think that that’s so important. And if there’s one thing, it’s like, if you say, Hey, would you want to sell, you know, 35 million of real estate and win every award that there can be, and not kind of let your health go a bit? Or would you rather sell 8 million and be a star athlete and just being I’m 41, BP still taken up 41 and very healthy. I’m going to take the healthy one all day, because I think that, that you talked about the motivation. When I when I’m when I’m rested, and I’m healthy, and I get goodwill workouts if that’s what I’m motivated to take on the world, because I have that, that energy, and I guess people are different. But for me, mental energy comes from physical exertion. And also dealing with stress. The best for me is just like Tony Robbins said, he said, the best thing to do when you’re when you’re in a bad place, mentally, you have to get out of your head and just get in your heart and to do some heart exercise, whether it’s just running up and down your street or doing as many press ups as you can. There’s so many things you can do. And I just I love the fact that you and I have talked about that a few times just this this while we’re having this conversation because it’s so often glossed over by so many people. And when I was doing that, I did the David Goggins challenge to 48 miles in 48 hours, I was listening to one a Gary V’s audiobooks on some of the runs. And I used to find him annoying. And I’ve come to absolutely love him, because he talks a lot about things that I 100% agree with you, everyone wants to they want the cake without doing the work. And he’s big on just crushing the work. And he tells people like I won’t pass up and I didn’t have a life in my 20s I was building the business. I love that about him. But that’s one thing he said is one thing he regretted when he was young as he kind of neglected his health. And now I think he’s he’s probably around my age, early 40s, maybe a bit older, and he’s got a trainer now and he’s obsessed with getting a good chest because you’ll have a good chest. And he’s he’s talking about like, I’m obsessed with health. And it’s like he realized he, you know, he’s unbelievably successful, wealthy, famous, he’s, he’s got all that stuff. And he realized that’s not enough, actually, actually, the most important thing is my health. So I just I love, if there’s one thing that anyone gets from this, it’s put your health first you know, and if you have health, you have energy, if you will, I can speak from personal experience, I think you might agree to, if if you neglect your body, and you feel physically crappy, your mind is not in a good place that you know, the healthy body healthy mind. I know it’s a, it’s kind of cheesy, but it’s so so so true. So I think that’s, that’s a great, it’s a we both touched on it without realizing it. But I just wanted to emphasize that point.
D.J. Paris 37:35
But yeah, I am in such full agreement. And it’s the same reason why for the last 50 I have a lot of terrible health habits, but one of my, one of the good ones I have and I’d recommend and since we’re you know, talking a little bit outside of real estate, but these are things that affect everything in our ability since we’re you know, this is your own business for almost everyone listening, you know, you’re a business owner, you’re a real estate professional. And, and knowing that you have to make all the most or most of the decisions, if not all of them. And if you if you do have a high degree of health, you’re just going to be more likely to be able to do more and also to be able to stay, you know, happy positive in difficult times. I will say one thing that oh, it’s actually two things. I have been making my lunch so that the same salad that I choked out on last time, we were doing this, I actually had that exact same salad, but with a lot more water this time just before so I make a spinach salad I have you know, a bunch of healthy things in there. But no dressing. I’m kind of I’m like super hardcore about it. And it’s gross. It’s definitely not fun. But, but it’s healthy. And I make that every night. Now if if every day at noon, I had to decide it because that’s when I have my snack which is my I have a bunch of things and not just salad. But they’re all healthy snacks. If I had to actually decide at noon, what am I going to eat? It’s my time for my snack. What should I have, I am almost certainly going to choose things that are bad for me. Because by now I’ve had some stress of the day, I just want to escape. I just want to feel good. But because I pack my lunch and my snacks the night before, I don’t have a choice and I’m I’m at work I pull out my lunch box and I pull out my salad. And you know, it’s not the most exciting thing in the world to eat. But doing push ups aren’t exciting either. But they’re a good idea. Right? So So I have that version for for nutrition. The other thing I wanted to mention and you had said this at the beginning and I really really have I want I’m so glad you brought it up. I’ve never thought to talk about this. But you really just inspired me to tell it shorter Sarah a very short story around sleep. This is not talked about enough. We all know we should eat right, we should exercise. But this idea of getting enough sleep is so critical. But even more than just the number of hours is having good sleep hygiene. And it even goes beyond you know getting the room to a certain degree as far as the temperature and if you can get the blackout shades for your windows And turning off your phone and all of those things that we’ve seen in articles. Yes, yes, do all of that. But I didn’t know that I had a sleep disorder at all until I was had a girlfriend many, many years ago who said, you know, and I’m not overweight, I’m in reasonably decent shape. I’ve never been overweight. But she said, You know, when you sleep, he doesn’t sound like you’re breathing enough. And I went, Oh, that’s silly. I sleep all night through. I don’t wake up. And and so she goes, No, it sounds like you stopped breathing. And I said, That’s it. She goes, and you’re tired all the time all day long. As far as I’ve known, you’ve always been exhausted. I said, Well, I just expend a lot of energy. She goes, now there’s something wrong. So I just said, Okay, fine. I’ll go to a sleep clinic just to sort of show her that nothing’s wrong. And sure enough, I slept overnight. They hooked me up with all the electrodes, I said, this is going to they’re going to come back and say your sleep is fine. Oh, and by the way, I was on ADHD or ADD medication, because I was having trouble focusing. And I’ve always had trouble focusing. I didn’t know that those two things could be related. So I go to the sleep center, get connected the cog go back two weeks later, and they say, did you know that you wake up on average, 14 times an hour? And I went, No, that can’t be possible. They go, no, no, they’re called micro arousals. And you’re not consciously waking up. But because your breathing is all screwy, your brain is waking up. And I said, Well, what does that do to the quality of your sleep? And they’re like, we’ll take a guess. And so I said, Okay, well, thank you. Because I never would have known that because I don’t wake up while I’m sleeping. I think I sleep perfectly. And they say you have to wear a CPAP for the rest of your life. And I said, Oh, well, that doesn’t sound fun. And they said no. But what’s going to happen if we’ve correctly diagnosed you is you’re not going to ever have to take an ADHD medicine, medicine again. Because likely, that’s because you’re not getting good sleep. Because the first thing that goes when you don’t get enough sleep is concentration and memory. And your concentration and memory are terrible. You’ve you’ve admitted this. And I said, yeah, yeah, whatever. So I started wearing the CPAP. This is about five years ago. And then within a couple of months, I went oh my gosh, I’m not fully rested. I don’t I don’t wake up groggy, I’m not tired during the day, and I no longer have issues around focus. So anyone’s experiencing those things, talk to your doctor and see about checking out a sleep study, because you might not even realize you have in my case, I never thought I’d have sleep apnea. No one else in my family has it. I’m not traditionally somebody who you might think has it. So it completely changed my life. And I would just say if anything, it actually didn’t completely change my life. But it what it did is it made me about 15% healthier, I would say if I had to put a number to it. And that was massive for me. Massive. Wow. Yeah. Massive. So you know, yeah, you know, explore lots of different you know, especially if you’re, if you’re sleepy, you know, or, or, you know, don’t feel like you have the energy or concentration, it could very well be a sleep issue. And, and sleep psychiatry is a relatively new thing, a new field of study, and it’s really taking the world of psychiatry on by storm and, and I’ve been off all meds for you know, years and years now. But I have to wear my mask every night. And you know what,
Lawrence Dunning 43:12
I love it, it’s great. See, that’s such a great story. That’s basically and this is very hard to do after you get to a certain age, but you’re trying to find little things you can do in your life, that that make your give you a much better quality of life. And it’s as we get older, it’s much easier to get stuck in habits and routines. Really briefly, I’ll tell you two things so that I might happen as a lot the last few years. One is the one thing with real estate is you’re constantly there’s always a lot I got a Texas guy, email that guy Oh, gotta schedule this, this property, you Oh, you have this constant thing in your head, we have so many things flying around. And they’re all very minor. A lot of them take two minutes, but it’s very, very hard to really clear your mind. So I’ve found doing a lot of people a Yoga people think it’s not real yoga, but I love just an hour class a cool power hot yoga, I normally go with a friend of mine, we keep each other accountable. And it’s been going up before they shut down a couple of times a week. And for me, my body obviously feels much better. My back feels looser, and everything’s I drive a lot. So physically, I feel great, but it’s the mental just the complete calmness. I’m not a big meditation person, but I get my meditation for me the yoga running that’s where I can clear my head that I can honestly say doing that has made a huge difference in my happiness levels and just how I feel physically and mentally. That’s one. The other thing is you just always I don’t think we get we’re very we’re real creatures of habit. So maybe you have your morning routine. A lot of people have the same morning routine, they’ve never questioned it. So I’d always get up. I’d normally work out or do some kind of workout around lunchtime, so I always get up have breakfast and then do whatever I’ve got to do and then hit the gym and I started the intermittent fasting where I don’t eat till I stay up late. I am on a late schedule. I’m not one of these guys that gets up at 530 see sunrise meditates for now. I that does and work for me. So you have to find a routine that works for you. That for me, intermittent fasting works so well just because I roll out of bed, I have a liter of water, I start my day, I didn’t even think about food. So you know, three, maybe three o’clock in the afternoon, and it’s great. So So that for me is it’s made my life so much easier. My morning routine is much easier, I can be much more efficient. And also, I feel great. You don’t I think a lot of time we’re eating, we’re just eating, we’re bored. Or we’re just eating because it’s a habit. And I think that or we’re trying to soothe ourselves. Exact comfort eating. That’s a big one too. Yeah, especially now a lot of people are down. And I know I remember when I actually so my birthday was last month and I was I had a marathon I was going to South America and my wife and we had this trip planned, and I was gonna do a marathon on my birthday I thought it’d be I try and do different things on my birthday. So I haven’t done a mannequin so so. So I had all this stuff planned. Of course, once everything was cancelled when the the lockdown first started, I remember for a few days, I was just really bummed because I realized that my routine had been taken away from me. And we are, it’s so instinct to even just seeing friends who would complain about their work that then when they couldn’t work because there was those, they were actually depressed when you think you’ll be so happy, you won’t be so happy. But we realized through the last few months that we are such humans need routine, we’re also incredibly social creatures, it’s very unnatural to be isolated. But that routine is so important. So as a broker, it’s so important that you give yourself some kind of structure. So I’ve got a very structured week, and I like it that way. I also think it’s important to have some kind of creativity. So balancing the structure takes away your creativity. So that’s why I really try to I work hard play hard. So I’ll work straight for you know, 30 days, 4045 days, then I’ll take a week off. And I’m still checking in, like we talked about earlier, you never stop that those three things that the, the checking in with your with your sphere of influence, the actual tasks to do and then the improvement. So when I go away the toss to do tends to be outsourced to my my partner or my colleagues. And the checking in is a bit it’s a bit less, but I still try and do it. But the big thing I try and focus on is the inspiration, the improvement that check, you’ve got to get yourself out of your routine in order to analyze, do I need to make some changes? Am I you know, what’s the phrase, you can’t be chopping down trees in a jungle, sometimes you got to stop climate tree and seeing if you’ve been in the right jungle or the right direction, you know. So it’s kind of that bad analogy. So I think that’s a really great point what you said. And one thing, DJ just You just reminded me I just wanted to touch on this, because you’ve probably heard of this book. So when I first got my real estate license, I remember I had two different I had I think it might have been mo recommended the book The Millionaire Real Estate Agent, Gary Keller. Yeah. And I also had a I think a friend bought it for me too. So I got two copies. But that that book is kind of it’s a lot of it is outdated after the first sight. The first 70 pages is more the philosophy, and then things he’s talking about was written before or technology. So it’s a bit outdated. But it’s kind of the classic inspirational thing for new agents. But it was so interesting because you talked about when you when you had that really big goal you accomplished and you felt lifeless off the aimless. Yeah. And I went through exactly the same thing about just before I got my real estate license where I realized that I was at a time where all my goals I’d either achieved or I didn’t. Some of the goals. They weren’t really something I was interested in anymore. I changed my my, my my dream since since having them and I suddenly felt goalless and I remember I just broken up my girlfriend so I was single at the time. And I was I just had my loss. I may fire I was gonna retire from MMA. And I was in Korea I had an almost like an early midlife crisis, I was incredibly depressed because I just didn’t really have things that I want to strive for anymore. Yeah. And like we talked about, we really are creatures of habit. We need goals and things that keep us exciting things that get us out of bed in the morning that we’re passionate about. We want to focus and we want to, you know, bleed for and sweat for and strive for. It’s I think it’s so important. And Gary Keller wrote a book called The One Thing and I never, I never heard of this book. And my friend who it’s so funny, he’s an attorney. So he did he didn’t even know that Gary Keller’s arrest a guy. And he called me he said, Lawrence, you have to get this book, and I was flying somewhere camerawork was that I think I picked it up on the airport. And I got a coffee. There was no Wi Fi or anything. And I just got into this book. I think I read the whole thing. In one sitting I can’t remember I was flying too. But it really changed my life because it was the one thing he talked about is we talked about processes, not goals. I think goals are good to set the destination, then you need the processes to get there. But without the like you when you had that big accomplishment. You felt kind of aimless because you had achieved it you have that that a lot of a lot of high achievers will will say the same thing when they get these big. The things that they’ll look back with pride in years to come. At the time they felt kind of depressed. It’s almost this achievement, depression. And the thing I love about that book is he talks about your goals but he says you got to have your you know, your one month goals, your five year goals, all that but you also have to have your one day goals and I think If that was so great, because if if I had had those my one day goals at the time was, you know, to meet an awesome woman, a life partner, you know, to start a family with all these things that I wasn’t even thinking because I was a single guy in my mid 30s. But by having those, you know, having having a house in the beach somewhere in California and all these things that it will be a nice dream. But I, because I didn’t have those one day goals. I was incredibly I kind of went through an early midlife crisis, I think it’s always good. That’s a great book for anyone in real estate to read and anyone in life to read to the one thing talking about the importance of goals, but also goals that have no end date goals that these nice dreams because that that inspires us that, that that I think having that big, big picture that dreams look forward to that gets that gets me through back to dark times for sure. You know, like, I am very confident. I don’t know how I’m gonna get there, but I’m gonna get to those one day goals, dammit. And by having that in the back of your head is that inspiration? That’s, that’s funny. That’s a real strong driver. In, in getting out of bed in the morning for sure.
D.J. Paris 51:01
Yeah, well, it’s that old adage. It’s that Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water after enlightenment, chop wood carry water. Right? It’s, it’s, it’s just true. It’s, it’s, you know, we it’s all just habits and discipline and, and checking in and seeing how, see, and also being super kind and compassionate when you fall short. And you will because you’re human. And that’s normal. And we’re gonna have bad days where we can’t get out of bed, some of us or we can’t get to the gym, if that’s our goal, or are we just, or we just choose not to go to the gym? Or we we fall short? And thinking about it? Like, how would you treat your best friend if they said, You know, I am really kind of bummed out today, I didn’t quite get this one thing done. You wouldn’t beat them up, you would say I’m sorry, how are you doing? What can I do to help you is there you want to talk about it or you know, you’d be compassionate. You wouldn’t yell at them and say, Hey, you lazy unless, unless that’s what they wanted from you. But you probably wouldn’t naturally think to do that, you’d want to just be kind and and I think that’s that’s the one thing that that a lot of us, especially entrepreneurs, or people running their own business, forget the the self kindness and realizing you don’t have to be perfect. And it’s okay, because you’re not going to be perfect anyway. So you might as well get used to falling short once in a while and giving yourself the you know, the flexibility to then make it up the next day or just forgive yourself for having a bad day. And I think a lot of us have struggled with that.
Lawrence Dunning 52:32
Well, I think on like you said entrepreneurs are often their own harshest critic. And if there’s one thing you should take away from this is you should take a bit of time and basking in your achievement, because I think that’s a huge deal. And I think it’s up to it’s up to our we talked earlier about how with with the virus, everything, we’re not really seeing too many people, my social circle has shrunk to a very, very small amount of people that I’ve been seeing. And it’s, it’s, even when times are better, I think it’s very important that we have a small peer group. And not only do we keep each other accountable, but we also support each other I don’t know, I’m on a text thread with Moe, my mentor and the owner of mainstream real estate. And he and I vent to each other a lot. And we also support each other. And we were also harsh on each other, I give him a hard time when he falls off his diet plan. No, he gives me a hard time when he thinks I traveled too much or whatever it is. But we also when he events to me or when I vent to him. He’s He’s admitted that he’s my supporter, he reminds me how far I’ve come how you know, these these little things that are vaccinate at the time, you know, you will in the big picture, they’re not the biggest deal. And I think that’s so important that having that group of compassionate people in your life, whether it’s your wife, your girlfriend, your very close friends. It’s a two way street, right? So keeping yourself accountable, because you want the best in your friends, I’m harsh on my friends, because I love them, and I want them to succeed. And sometimes they need tough love. But also there’s other times, especially the last few months, I think that you know, one thing we there’s so there is there’s always positives you can take from any negative situation. And one thing we can take from this is all this stuff that we’re striving for, you know, buying new cars, and if you don’t have your health and you don’t have your friends and family, your close friends family around you, none of that matters. So, you know, take the times that I’m so bummed that my parents are in England and you know, I can’t see them right now. And I plan to see them this month. And just I got more appreciation just to having a good relationship with my parents and my brother just had a son. I can’t wait for a reunion in the summer. Hopefully, I just you know, it gives you a new appreciation for the for the good things in your life as opposed to I think it’s human tendency we evolved to, you know, we evolved to survive, and to procreate. We didn’t evolve to be happy. So we have to constantly fight these things. That that the we’re always just as a human tendency to always be dissatisfied with what we have. And this this whole pandemic is a good reminder that when the pandemic passes and we can actually have human contact again without fear. And we can you know, we can be intimate with people we can go to a restaurant. I remember when I was with my wife in Ireland last year, Irish people it’s so sweet this old Irish couple next to us, they heard us talking in non, we weren’t Irish, they just pulled up the table next to us and join us for dinner, we had a fantastic time in this little Italian restaurant. And it was just, you know, little things like that, that we can’t do anymore. Like, I’m going to appreciate so much the next time I can sit down and have a random couple, gatecrash my romantic dinner with my wife, you don’t like all these things that you take for granted. To a certain extent, I think it’s just a great reminder. And the same with just just just like, it’s a great reminder for any entrepreneur, who is dissatisfied with where he is today. Take a step back, maybe if if trying to think like, what was my goal two years ago, and most of you will be very surprised how far you’ve come without realizing it, because you never take the chance to step back. And you once were done. TJ, I want you to take a few minutes and be damn proud of yourself.
D.J. Paris 55:47
Well, well, well, I’ll tell I’ll tell you, thank you for that, by the way. And thank you for everything you just said was was amazing. But yeah, as far as what I’ve done is a little hack for myself, for not being able to always appreciate some of my accomplishments is I listen to the people closest to me, the ones that orbit me, my close friends, my family, and if they’re really proud of me, which, and I mean, because I earned it, not just because I’m their friend or their son, or, you know, because I’ve accomplished something that they recognize is like, wow, that was impressive. And of course, they’re a bit biased. But when they’re proud of me, that’s when I turn off my criticism, and I say, Okay, I’m not good at praising myself. So I’m just going to let let you know, I’m going to let them do it. And maybe one day, I’ll learn how to be better at celebrating my successes. But I do turn off my brain and I went, I am not the best judge of how far I’ve come. Because now I have these these wonderful relationships where people go, No, that’s really awesome. And I don’t fight them. I don’t say no, no, it really was. I mean, sometimes I do, but generally I go, Oh, really? And they go Yeah, and I go, okay, you know, and so that’s, that’s maybe maybe that’s the best part of friendship is is they see you, they see you, side of yourself, right, yeah. And that’s probably more accurate, they’re likely have a better sense of the objectivity of it. Because we have all of our own wounds. And we have our emotional issues and things that happened to us when we were little or whatever, that that are going to distort our ability to see ourselves as we really are. And that’s what’s great about friendship is people go hey, you’re doing great just the way you are. And you just did that thing. Wow, that’s amazing. And you go well, no, no, no. And I tried to stop myself from saying that. Oh, no, no, no, I just go really? And they go, yeah, and I go, Okay, well, they’re not crazy. So maybe they’re right, and I’m wrong.
Lawrence Dunning 57:36
But this is the perfect time just to give a shout out to my partner, John Demetrios, because he drives me absolutely nuts. Because every time he’s very self deprecating, and every time I try and give him a compliment, he does something great. He always comes out with a silly little quip about some kind of negative quip. And I know he’s, it’s in jest, but he drives me nuts. Because it’s so hard to give that guy a damn compliment for John, your quality, quality, quality human. So this is your public shout out? No.
D.J. Paris 58:04
Well, well, I know, I know, you struggle with it. Because before we got started, you were giving me compliments. And I was like, no, no, no, no. So I, I’m not great at accepting compliments. But But that’s something that I recognize. And I can work on that. And and you know, it’s it’s, it’s just acknowledging, there’s parts of us that that need work and improvement, and just sort of even just writing it down. And recognizing, okay, that’s something to work on. And then you then you set sail, do you know, Google search? I mean, the other day, I was I was doing Google searches about self criticism, because I struggle with that. So I said, I bet you there’s some good strategies, and I have a therapist, and I have other people that can give me ideas. But But I thought, well, let me do my own research and criticism and judgment. And, and so now I have a few ideas of things I can do. But but the point is, is is we’re all works in progress. Yeah. You said you were never finished. No one’s no one’s got it all figured out. But we can take little bits and pieces of people. Will Smith, there’s a great story, actually, a hypnotherapist from the UK. His name’s Paul McKenna. He tells a great story of working meeting Will Smith, this is a great story about about taking compliments. I met him at a party. This is 25 years ago, and he had just started I think he had been in one or two movies. And but not really had been a breakout movie star yet. And he met him at some event. And he said, you know, Mr. Smith, I really respect you. I think you’re a great role model for young young people. And and, you know, he just heaped some some legitimate praise upon him. And what he said it was the most interesting because Will Smith paused. And he said he took it in for about 15 seconds, didn’t say anything. And he could see he said I could see him taking in what I said, and he thought about it, he reflected and he finally responded and he said, Hey, thank you. That was really, really great and And, and I any, so the reason I’m bringing up is that that’s not how most people take a compliment, they immediately deflect the compliment. Or they say, Yeah, thanks. And then they, they don’t take it in, right. So so you know, I know we all struggle with this. So it’s a good example of, you know, learning how to how to accept the praise of others, even if necessarily, maybe we don’t, maybe we don’t necessarily feel that way about ourselves, we can acknowledge other people do and if you don’t take it in, you’re sort of denying their gift to you. In some ways, it’s maybe even a little bit disrespectful to not take to not take a compliment. So anyway, just just some food for thought. But just to wrap up, because you we’ve given so much value, given so much value on this podcast. I also want to want to make sure that, that in particular buyers, sellers, investors, renters, anyone with a real estate need, who might be listening here in the Chicagoland area who’s looking for a realtor to work with, and might be wanting to work Lawrence with you or your partner. What’s the best way that somebody should be reaching out to you?
Lawrence Dunning 1:01:00
Honestly, it’s probably LinkedIn, I really liked LinkedIn. LinkedIn is, you know, they, what do they call it Facebook? For professionals? There’s, there’s some really great articles on there. And I’ve met a lot of great, very successful people and investors. So yes, shoot me a message on LinkedIn, Facebook, and I’d love to help my, my, my passion, my real passion is trying to find people who, especially the last few months, you know, it was funny, because before, when when I was on just before this thing happened, I remember we were talking about I was so at the s&p seeming a bit top heavy. And then of course, we’ve had some crazy volatility, and it went down. And then I think it bounced back through very, very quickly. I have a lot of friends that are very skeptical that a lot of people don’t like that kind of crazy volatility. And I’m very much in the real estate model where I think real estate is the safest, least volatile, and it has a lot more upside, if done correctly, than any other investment tool. So if you if anyone wants to talk about trying to the one negative I guess to real estate investing is it’s difficult. You need to have local knowledge, you need to have someone like me, who’s going to bring you you know, finding the right building an explained, you know why this building is better than that, why this is a better long term investment. That’s something else. And that’s something that I’m very, very, very passionate about. So if anyone wants to look into, you know, trying to be the most efficiently as they can with their money and invest in real estate, definitely, definitely shoot me a message I’d love to help.
D.J. Paris 1:02:22
Yeah, so find Lawrence on Facebook, just search for Lauren stunning. And the same on LinkedIn will post links to those profiles for Lauren’s as well. Well, Lawrence, once again, this was a great, great episode, I love the fact that that we talked more about maybe the psychology of success, then then specific real estate practices, because every other guests that I have on the show does talk mostly about real estate practices, which is awesome. So I appreciate the perspective of getting more into the psychology and the emotional well being and the physical well being of all of us, because you’re right. Physical health, I could not agree more is, is is the eat, it’s one of the easiest things to neglect, sadly, but it’s also maybe the most important because it’s the impetus for everything else. If you if you feel good, you’re going to just do more, I mean, it’s just that simple, or you’re going to do it better, or you’re going to appreciate it more or you’re just going to handle it better. So so I could,
Lawrence Dunning 1:03:20
I’ll leave you with this. For everyone that’s kind of going through a tough time right now or struggling, even just what you said, then you say, you know, I’m googling I’m trying to improve myself, there’s so many ways we can improve ourselves, don’t be so harsh. Maybe just just just call a couple of very close friends and family, give them some compliments. Just be a be a nicer person, we’re gonna get through this better times ahead. And I really, I really, really believe that, you know, what we’re gonna get past this, humans are incredibly, that they’re so the ingenuity of humanity, time and time again, surprise, everybody. So we’re gonna get through this, stay positive. And don’t think your problems are alone. And maybe you can reach out to someone close to you, and give them give them a little boost. Let them know how awesome they are and what they mean to you. And we’re all going to come through this better humans.
D.J. Paris 1:04:03
Wonderful. Well, on behalf of the audience, I would like to thank Lawrence for once again, coming on our show and, and really providing wisdom I think more than anything, there’s a lot of wisdom in today’s episode, which I am very grateful. And I know the audience is grateful as well to you for doing that. So on behalf of them, we say thank you. Also on behalf of Lawrence and I we want to thank the audience for not only continuing to listen and support our show, but also we’re as we always ask you to do just two quick things. If you want to help us keep going simple two things. One is just think of one other real estate professional that could benefit from from hearing this particular interview and send them a link. You can send them right over to our website, which is keeping it real pod.com which we just rebuilt from the ground up. It’s well much easier to find episodes or shows that you like we have about five or six different shows within our podcast on different categories of topics. Go there and check it out keeping it real pod.com send it over to a friend. And then the second thing is to Follow us on Facebook, please find us there. We’re at facebook.com forward slash keeping it real pod. And the reason to do that twofold. One is we post of course, all of our episodes there, and even the video recordings while we’re recording so you can watch them live. You don’t have to wait a few weeks for us to produce the episode. And the second thing is, every day we scour the internet, we find one article that’s written by some journalist somewhere specifically about how to help build your business and we post it that’s all that we post there. There’s no fat, it’s all meat. So check it out. Keeping I’m sorry, facebook.com forward slash keeping it real pod. Lawrence. Once again, thank you so much. This was a wonderful episode. I feel better. As of ADD, I have some things that I’m going to be working on now that you inspired me to, to get motivated to do so. Thank you. And yeah, and we’ll see you next time. Thanks, Lawrence.
Lawrence Dunning 1:05:47
I can’t wait. Thank you. Thank You.