Welcome to the October edition of Coaching Moments with Ryan D’Aprile!
How important is attitude? Ryan maintains it’s your single most valuable internal resource. Your attitude will provide you with the energy necessary to continue to scale a mountain while the rain is pouring down. It’s perhaps the only area of life where we have complete control. Ryan discusses how you should choose your attitude carefully and have it work for you, resulting in achieving more of what you want in life.
D.J. Paris 0:00
On this episode of Keeping it real is brought to you by Quicken Loans real estate professionals. When you work with Quicken Loans, you have an agent relationship manager available to you and your team. These dedicated experts are part of the agent relations team. They serve as your single point of coordination so you can count on them to keep you in the loop throughout your client’s entire home buying process, call 888-980-2891 or go to real estate dot Quicken loans.com Today, call for cost information and conditions equal housing lender licensed in all 50 states NMLS consumer access.org Number 3030 And now onto the show.
Hello, and welcome to another episode of Keeping it real the largest podcast in the country made for real estate brokers by real estate brokers. My name is DJ Paris, I am your host and once again this is our monthly session called coaching moments with Ryan de April. If you’re not familiar with Ryan Ryan de April is a progressive thought leader focused on providing for his agents and staff. His strengths are his motivational skills, coaching style and his dedication to training. Ryan has partnered with Lindsay Miller, who’s the CEO of depot properties to build a dynamic organization based on a foundation of culture, character and community a depot properties has 14 offices throughout Chicagoland and is also in Wisconsin, Indiana, and Michigan, you can learn more, or to join depot properties, visit them online at D APR properties.com. Ryan, thanks again for being on the show.
Ryan D’Aprile 1:49
Thanks, TJ. Thanks for having me, I enjoy enjoy meeting with you on a monthly basis.
D.J. Paris 1:54
Yeah, this is a lot of fun. And our audience loves it because they send us all emails almost every day, going back through your all the episodes we’ve done. So it is very much appreciated. So on behalf of the listeners, thank you, what would you like to talk about today? So we went
Ryan D’Aprile 2:10
over a lot of skill set training I feel in the past few months. And so what I thought today might be a good topic would be talking about mindset, and a good attitude and an attitude of, you know, an attitude of gratitude and how you can really become more and more successful in life based upon your internal belief system. And how you look at life in general, your business, your home life, your personal life, and all these things I think they are. I wish we could silo our business and keep it separate. But it really does. It really does intertwine with our entire life. So I think something that’s very important in our industry, where it’s a very high EQ, emotional intelligence type business is how do you get back and kind of replenish your energy? And your thought process? And how do you focus on an attitude of gratitude? And how do you focus on being positive on a daily basis, so that you can do the things that you need to do because it’s really your attitude and your internal belief system that are going to propel you to take the actions that you need to do to be more successful in this business and in life in general. So that’s my thought DJ, I thought we would kind of go over that.
D.J. Paris 3:30
I think it’s a great place to start and a great topic. And it is made all the difference in my own life, as much as I would love to say that. It is my skill that has got me where I’m at. And certainly that has helped tremendously. But it is my attitude that has essentially landed me every job I’ve ever had. And also within the job the success I’ve had, I was thinking about this earlier that and I’ve been in a number of careers now I been in marketing, essentially for 20 plus years, yet I’ve never taken a marketing class. It’s not what I studied in college. And the fact that I’m in it is kind of funny, but it has been because of of opportunities that have been presented to me because people thought he’s got a good attitude, we want him around. And I’ve developed skill as a result of that in marketing. But I think attitude is so important, you know, in this business and really just in life in general, so great, great top.
Ryan D’Aprile 4:21
It’s it is it’s actually I believe it’s 80% or more of what we do, and I’m going to relate and to myself in my life so I could help you know, help others kind of see to perspective where I’m coming from why it’s so important. So I’m going to dive back to my earlier years and even my my my high school and when I entered high school I was 15 1415 years old. And at our high school, I went to lions Township High School, and my daughter goes lions Central High School, my other two girls will end up going there. they’ve changed it around. But believe it or not, is a very similar system, just different definitions. And what I’m going over right now is to show everybody here how important your attitude is. So to me, what’s very important to my core and to our core values of our company is creating what’s called a ripple effect. So we are a coaching company. But our biggest Why is to help everybody in our organization to come over their self doubt, insecurities, because we all struggle with it. The key is to be vulnerable, and discuss it and understand it, because then that way others can help you and then you could help others. So one of the things we’re looking for is that ripple effect that Shawn acre, and so many others talk about in their books, which I’ll go over that as well with you. And it comes down to children, because I experienced this now I have three daughters. And they’re all experienced in this at different levels. So when I entered my high school freshman class, we had our subjects we had health science, social studies, math, English, literature, etc. I’m sure all those subjects you had DJ at your high school as well. And next to every subject, was a letter that the school administrators assigned. And these are grown adults that are teaching children that are raising children, some of them have PhD, and they’re, they’re in academics, and they’re in, they’re in what do you call the superintendent administration. And they’re essentially responsible for our children for a long part of their lives from, you know, from first grade through high school, and then beyond. And I entered the high school and next to every subject line was a letter. And the letters would go from AP, I’m sure you’ve heard of AP, have you heard of AP before?
D.J. Paris 6:50
I even took a couple of those classes. So yes, I do remember,
Ryan D’Aprile 6:54
all right, you took a couple AP classes, right? I never did, I was on the complete other end of the spectrum. So there was AP, then there was h and h stood for honors. And then after h there was S and H lines such high school in the 90s, early 90s stood for superior. And then there was our you know, our stood for remedial, regular. So you were in either regular math, regular science, regular English. And then there was GE Do you know what GE stood for? I thought it stood for good. You want to why? Every subject I was in had a GE next to it. And it was general. And essentially what I society, especially in my high school was telling me in almost every subject, I was below regular. Now I’m not placing blame on them. But I want everybody understand that we’re all facing challenges, and they really define us. And the question is, is how are they going to define you? Because it’s not what happens to you is what you do about it? And that’s what I try to tell everybody in life. And I think the journey of life is the challenges we face and how do you react to them. And so here I was 15 years old, walking into a school of a class of maybe 800 kids, and having publicly labeled below regular every subject and going through that for four years. And then going on to college. And I joke around but barely getting in and barely getting out. Look at academics just was not my thing. But after school, and mean, after college, I had immediate success in the corporate world. And I was rejected several times when I wanted to go into executive search. An executive search is essentially where a company hires you and you go out and you recruit. It’s a very simple concept. A company comes in, they hires you, they need a regional sales manager. And that’s where I started in the hardware industry, the Building Material industry and it worked for a company called Brooke Chase. And we would do searches for companies like RYOBI or USG Corporation, we did middle management, executive search. And then after that, I wanted to do senior level search. And I was a whopping 23 years old and I got this red book executive recruiters and I called all the elite senior level executive search firms. And everybody turned me down just like every recruiting firm in the beginning turned me down when I interviewed them, but I called the owners and the managing partners of each of the firms and one of these company, one of the companies that eventually hired me. They said to me, you don’t have the degree, nor the pedigree to work. And what that means is when we’re interviewing he says, Hey, what did your father do for a living? Is it my dad, it’s very proud of my mom and dad, Dad auto parts stores. So if we weren’t, you know, in a sport, we in high school, by 15 years old, we had to get to one of our dad’s auto parts stores and work it was a family business. And then they asked where I went to school and these guys went to really nice Ivy League Brown, University of Michigan schools which Uh, you know, I’ve never would have been able to get into and they said you don’t have the degree nor the pedigree. But Ryan, we’d like your tenacity. So at least it gave me a phone call back, right? They said that to me, and it was pretty chilling. And again, but I had been put through that my entire life, right? Imagine 15 years old walking in high school and being put at the lowest subject line for every class, right. But the point that I’m trying to get at is now as a 43 year old man, looking back at that 15 year old, and then that 22 year old and a 24 year old. One of the things that stood out for me now looking back is, this kid had a great belief system and himself. And it’s, I almost want to say, I was lucky that I had that belief system. And it’s probably because my mom and dad believed so much into me, and they always pumped my ego up, and everybody has different circumstances. But I didn’t put academics as the end all be all. And I just put down what came to me naturally, and my friend building a friendship, building ability and whatnot. I just felt really confident myself all the time. And so here I am, being told again, right? I don’t have the degree nor the pedigree, it’s just like, hey, so when you walk into the door, go left and go to your G classes. You don’t belong in the RS H AP classes. But they gave me a shot. And five years later, I’m 27 years old, and the partner in the firm says, you’re going to be my right hand person.
He literally, him and I just melted so well, I was making more money than I ever thought I’d make. Because making more money than my mom and dad made probably three years combined. I had been on private jets of fortune 500 companies and large, multinational privately held companies doing stop senior level executive searches. But what he said to me is, you don’t have a degree of pedigree, but we’d like your tenacity and and never let that go. And I really, truly believe all success is based upon your grit and your grind and your passion. And everybody has to understand that we all are challenge facing a challenge. Just like I face the challenge in those GE classes, somebody faced a challenge in those AP classes, but in a different story. Everybody has their story, right? But the purpose, the point of our session here is the importance of mindset, and a belief system, and you got to believe in yourself. But that’s not easy. And it takes time. And actually it takes a culture and it takes a community of people and surrounding yourself with the right people. So one more thing to end the story. Okay, and then we’ll go on to the next part of this is I started buying and selling real estate, right after college while I was doing my executive search business. And I had accumulated quite a bit of property, a big 20,000 square foot warehouse building and a mixed use apartment building. I own three flats and houses throughout the Chicagoland area. And at one point, I said to myself, I should get my real estate license. So I went and got my real estate license. And I went to some school and got my license. And then went into Chicago in the west loop in a interviewed with a real estate company. And they said no. And so he said, No, I don’t think you’re a good fit. But what you can do is you could just go sponsor yourself if you want. So I went back to Madison Wells 181, West Madison, where my office was, I went met with them during lunch, went to the 33/43 floor to my corner office. And I ended the time. And I had to deal with rejection again. I’ve been dealing with rejection my entire life. And all of us are, but I didn’t let it defeat me. I didn’t let it overcome me. I went back I sat at my desk I remember I was looking over Lake Michigan, picking up the phone and calling the Chicago Association realtors and the IDF PR to figure out how do I sponsor myself because at that point, I said, I’m done. If they don’t believe me, that’s fine, I believe in myself. And that’s when I started selling real estate back in 2005. And I started selling real estate for myself by myself. I wasn’t sponsored by anybody. And within two, three years during the Great Recession, I was ranking in the top 1% of the Chicago Association, realtors in terms of production, and that it has something to do with skill set, but it has more to do with mindset and attitude. And that’s what I want to share with everybody in this podcast is that there are a lot of books we could do there a lot of practices we can we there are a lot of practices that we can do to continually build up our own belief systems in ourselves and that you have to make this a priority because it’s the biggest differentiator out there. is your attitude.
D.J. Paris 15:03
I just saw, I just saw a I have a page a day calendar. It’s like a life hack calendar. And a lot of times they’re everyday, it’s not always so great. There’ll be little hints and tricks to make life a little easier. Some are better than others. But yesterday’s. I thought it was so interesting. And I wanted to just get your and I’m sure it’s a statistic that whoever makes the calendar just fabricated, but it’s a good statistic, that’s probably true. And it said 50% of any job and is being liked. And other words, your attitude. And and I thought, I bet it’s more like 80% of the success of any job is your attitude.
Ryan D’Aprile 15:39
Absolutely. I mean, one of the one of the benefits of going to one of the most prestigious schools out there is because of the network you have. Right. And that’s one of the things I think these great schools will give you a great network. But that’s just going to open the door for you after that you got to be liked. You have to have work ethic, there’s so much that goes into it. There are so many other statistics out there, DJ that back this I think one of them and don’t I mean, I’m being recorded, right? So don’t quote me as a silly statement. But I don’t know how accurate this is. But I think that the same goes 80% of first. Wait, what is it? It’s four to one, it’s a four to one chance that somebody immigrating to the United States becomes a millionaire, over somebody who was born and raised in our country, it’s a four to one. So if you immigrate to the United States, in your late teens or 20s, you know, in and English is not your primary language, you have a four to one chance to come in a millionaire over the children that are born and raised here. Have you ever heard
D.J. Paris 16:49
that? Yeah, I think that’s called like the immigrant effect or something. Because they are coming oftentimes from disadvantaged environments, where there isn’t as much opportunity, a lot of the freedoms that we, you know, will take for granted. They might not have and they come over here, and they’re like, Wow, I have so much that I can do here. And because their mindset is set to a much more disadvantaged environment, they come over here and just see nothing but opportunity
Ryan D’Aprile 17:20
to be here. Absolutely. They’re grateful to be here. And that’s where it starts. Now. Again, I’m going to come back to the high school and I’m watching my daughter’s and Junior High in high school, and I’m watching the subjects in the social studies subjects that they are learning. And it’s so interesting to see how I hate politics. By the way, this is my disclaimer, okay? I don’t get it politics. I stopped watching politics in 2007. It was the best thing in my life to do
D.J. Paris 17:45
what we should and let’s talk about that for a second. And Ryan, is it the reason Ryan has told me privately that he does not engage in a political discussion or even just, you know, reading about it is it affects his attitude,
Ryan D’Aprile 17:58
it does affects everybody’s attitude. And so you have to understand the business of politics. The business of politics is to get us to fight each other. Let’s say I’m left in your right, or let’s say I’m right and your left, right. We probably agree on everything but 3% of the time. Right. But it is it is it gives off I think, a very dangerous message politics. And here’s what the message is. Your life isn’t that great vote for me, and I’ll change it and hate message, no matter what side side of the aisle are on your life isn’t that great vote for me, I’ll make it better. And that’s the message of kids off and the anger people have when they get into politics. And they talk about it. It doesn’t just end when they’re done with the conversation. They’ll think about it for three, four more hours. And therefore they’re not putting their life ahead. They’re not doing the things that they need to do to take the life, what they’re doing is they’re dwelling on a politician or to when they hate one that they love, and how they’re going to advance their career and not their own. And, you know, even our children in our schools are being taught the politics and what’s good and what’s bad. And there’s an element you have to write you can’t be you can’t be an ostrich. So I’m not, I’m not. I’m not advocating total ignorance. Okay. What I’m advocating here, is being aware of what’s going around us and what other people’s agendas might be. And at the end of the day, you cannot help anybody if you don’t help yourself first. And that statistics at 41 immigrants over American Board says because millionaire, whether it’s accurate or not, it says something about, hey, they’re happy and grateful to be here. And you have all of this luxury around you. But you might be miserable. And you might be complaining, and you blink your eyes. 20 years goes by and now you’re 20 Now you’re 40 and you blink your eyes and 15 years go by On your 55? And did you spend more that time angry and bitter? And that focusing on how to get ahead? Or did you have an attitude of gratitude and grateful for what you have the clean water you drink? Right? Your health, there’s so much you can be grateful for. I think most people forget this. And I don’t think they realize how detrimental that can be to their success and happiness in life.
D.J. Paris 20:29
Yeah, it’s one of those things where you literally, you know, everyone’s situation is different. And people experienced challenges and unexpected things happen, that that are extraordinarily difficult, tragic. You know, and everyone goes through versions of that some people, of course, have more than others. But I had read once in a book, and I can’t remember which book? Well, there’s two things I wanted to mention. But one was that if nothing else, if you wake up another day, that’s a reason to say thank you, because a lot of people aren’t going to get to wake up tomorrow. And so if you’re, if you’re having struggling to find something to be grateful for, well, gosh, you just got another day to do something magical or just to do something to either help yourself or to help others. And that’s a reason.
Ryan D’Aprile 21:15
And then it’s even even going beyond that. What’s really difficult is how do you enjoy the downs with the off and how do you spin the downs? And really take the good out of it down. So I’m going to start plugging some books here. Okay. The entrepreneur rollercoaster by Darren Hardy. I think the last time I read it probably four years ago, but I just recall, listening to the book, and being an entrepreneur, then it’s still being an entrepreneur today. And realizing, oh my god, you had these troubles too. You had these ups and downs, you have these heart break, we all do. So it’s something that we all have to embrace. You have to embrace the roller coaster. Do you remember? Oh my gosh, I think the movie was called parenthood with Steve Martin. Do you remember canneries Kennedy’s was in that movie? Right? So I’m, I’m not the best movies. But this line stood out to me. I think I was in high school when this movie came out. But there was a moment where Steve Martin is in the kitchen and all the kids are running around screaming. It’s how I feel like when my family is over, and he could hear a roller coaster and he had his youngest boy was being bullied and you know, he had his job. situation. I think he was let go. And you could see like his vision going up and down. You hear in the background. They do this audio visual or this visual or excuse the audio of like, carnival and roller coaster rides. And then he comes focused and he looks at this 8590 year old grandmother. Do you remember her in the movie? Do you remember that? About stadia okay. Yeah. And he she was always bothering him and he and he couldn’t handle and she looks at him. She goes, she reflects and I remember exactly what you said she was, you know, life. I was a little girl and I go to the carnival. And she said something. And he’s he’s starting to roll his eyes. And and he’s like, What are you seeing now? She said, we went on the merry go round and went around and around and around, but loved the roller coaster when we go up. And we go down and we go up and we go down. And he realized that the wisdom that she was telling him that life is a roller coaster. And we have two ways of going about this. We can embrace it. Or we can wish for the boring miracle round. But the reality is we don’t want the miracle around. We don’t want the boringness. So when you get the challenge and you get the down, you get that gut punch and everything else. There is a way to step back and say, You know what, I probably wouldn’t have this any other way. Because I could have my boring office job somewhere.
D.J. Paris 23:48
Ryan Ryan Holiday is one of my favorite authors. I don’t know if you’re affiliated, he had a new book that just came out yesterday called stillness as the key. But one of his seminal works that everybody should read. And again, his name is Ryan Holiday is called the obstacle is the way. And it just perfectly sums up, Ryan, what you just said, which is the challenge is where the juice of life is. It’s certainly hard. And there’s, there’s, you know, certainly a lot of tough emotions with it. But if things aren’t just a little scary and a little tough and hard. Boy, that’s where all the satisfaction is as you persevere through it. It’s just where everything good comes from, from challenge
Ryan D’Aprile 24:29
it is it’s where all the meat in the marvelous isn’t the challenge. It’s not. It’s difficult when you’re in the situation. But when you look back, I look back at seven, eight years, I’ve been trying to grow this organization. And I could tell how I felt during the UPS or the down parts. Looking back. It’s like Wow, am I lucky to go through that? And that’s it’s Ryan Holiday and what’s it called?
D.J. Paris 24:50
Yep. The obstacle is the way I want to
Ryan D’Aprile 24:53
ping you after this meeting. I’m going to get that book. Another great book is the happiness of it. image by Shawn a car Have you ever read The Happiness Advantage? Yes, I have. Okay, so for the readers, I’m going to go over a couple points that Shawn talks about in the book. And So Sean, I grew up in Waco, Texas was going to be a firefighter and a whim, he applied to Harvard. And he got accepted. And so clearly he was in those AP classes and smart guy, and unlike how I was in school, and he went to Harvard, and he studied psychology, and he did his postdoctoral there and whatnot. I might be butchering this a little bit, but he became a professor there in psychology. And he realized that there were probably 20 to one studies on happiness. So there was drug addiction, there was you know, what other psychology right depression and trauma, trauma, all these things out there. And, and it’s kind of going back to what I was talking about, like, watching my children in school and what they’re studying about everything that’s wrong with our country and everything else. And like, Look, I’m not some like, you know, you know, I’m not mister like Patriot American states a great like, I know, we have issues. I’m just trying to talk about the mindset and how important it is that the messages we give across. And when you are I’m raising children, right? It’s like, how do you help balance this and show everybody how grateful you are, but he was going, going back to, to Shawn, he was talking about your 22, one studies on a drug addiction abuse, and all these other things, trauma, and there was very few studies done on happiness. And so he started a course called happiness. And he realized that there was a two year waiting list at Harvard, for his class. And he was like, Why could there be at the greatest university in the world? A two year waiting list for my business school, right? Sure. my psychology class on happiness. And so he went on, and he did a survey and he discovered that 70% of the student body in Harvard was unhappy or depressed. And do you know why they were?
D.J. Paris 27:06
I would guess they were stressed about performing well, in college.
Ryan D’Aprile 27:10
Here, these people are in the number one school. I mean, you could write your ticket, can’t you? You got to Harvard? I mean, it’s I would think so you would think so. So what I write, but, DJ, I’ve written my own ticket. Sounds like you’ve written your own ticket. Yeah, I think schools, right, right. So. So again, I’m even repeating these messages that our children are going to hear. And this were the ripple effect that he talks about, that I want to have, when I’m coaching my agents to have more of a ripple effect in our society, to measure our words, what we’re saying. And here is he’s like, you’re in the best university, but you’re depressed. And what they’re doing is they’re comparing, they were the number one student in their high school, and now they’re
D.J. Paris 27:48
in the other just one of one of 1000s. Correct.
Ryan D’Aprile 27:51
And so Comparison is the thief of all joy. And all of us are going to compare, and it’s one of the things we need to stop. And the only thing you should be comparing to is you the day before, the week before the month and the year before. If we could focus on comparing ourselves to ourselves and our past selves, then I think we’ll have the snowball effect on the happiness and Happiness Advantage that Shawn acre talks about.
D.J. Paris 28:20
Yeah, there’s a philosophy I found online, I’ll try to find the article where it was on a Reddit post of all places, and it was in a, a Reddit forum called get disciplined, and it talked about discipline. And it’s a great forum. If you’re a Reddit person, check out get disciplined, but the philosophy is called no more zero days to Ryan just mentioned, hey, trying, you know, the only thing you never compare your insides to someone else’s outsides. And that’s a very important and difficult lesson because it’s easy for us to do that, to look at other people and say, well, they’ve got it made, and they’re not like me, and I’m not quite there. And there’s something wrong with me because I’m not where they’re at at this stage. But all you ever have to do is compare yourself to yourself. And the no more zero days, philosophy is come up with a series of habits, behaviors, goals that you want to achieve. And instead of looking to the, I’ll be happy when I get to a million dollars or whatever x that is for you, for whatever goals you’ve set is say, okay, what can I do today? Well, if let’s say I wanted to, you know, be able to lose weight, and I say, Okay, well, I know I need to exercise I need to do some cardio, I need to lift some weights and I probably need to watch my calorie intake and then it gets to the end of the day and you go gosh, you know what, I didn’t do anything. I ate poorly. I didn’t exercise. You know, I didn’t get to the gym. But you know what, before I go to bed, I’m going to crank out one pushup. If that’s all I did, that is not a zero day I did one thing and then you can go to bed and okay, maybe tomorrow I’m going to do better. But never you know if you can just go to bed and never have a zero day do something. Just one thing. then you’ve you’ve improved
Ryan D’Aprile 30:02
many habits, a book, written by I can’t recall with author’s what’s called mini habits, talks about the one pushup a day. And at least you get down in position. If you get down into position. You might do two or three or four. That’s the big Yes, exactly. So another little mindset technique, and there’s so many things that are out there to help us is the 8020 rule. And that’s a Pareto principle. But where I’m going with that is it’s a Pareto principle, but it’s based on wealth in our country. So we hear that 20% of our population owns 80% Of all the wealth, correct? Correct, right. And then as that 20%, shrinks, their wealth gets larger and larger. Sure. Right. So then you have your one percenters in the world, right? The 1%, they have 99% of all the wealth in our country, correct? Right? And there is how do you look at that? Do you look at that as a negative, or you look at it as a positive? And then you get into policies and taxes and laws and everything else? Let’s not go down that path. Let’s just go back. And let’s look at the 20%. That controls 80% of the wealth. Sure. All right. So let’s take the 20% that control 80% of the wealth. What percentage of that 20%? Right, what percent of that 20% made it in their own lifetime? And what percent is that 20% are second generation, meaning they inherited it, it was passed down
D.J. Paris 31:28
to them, I would have to guess the vast majority made it themselves but actually don’t know.
Ryan D’Aprile 31:34
Yeah, so 80% of the 20% made it in their own lifetime. And 20% or 20%, inherited it. Now that’s a staggering number. And if you want to do like a little task, let’s just figure this out. Let’s talk about second generation people. That inherited money. Can you name one?
D.J. Paris 31:56
I have a few friends that have Yeah,
Ryan D’Aprile 31:58
let’s go big. Let’s go. Let’s go real quick. Let’s talk we’re talking about real money here.
D.J. Paris 32:02
Like the big Gotcha. Those are not my friends.
Ryan D’Aprile 32:05
They might be and maybe you might not want to say that out there. But let’s just think, right. Okay, can you say somebody’s name up that you can think of? That is a second generation, multi multi multi millionaire. How about habits?
D.J. Paris 32:20
Let’s say Paris Hilton, some somebody like that.
Ryan D’Aprile 32:23
There you go. There’s one Paris Hilton, right. Um, how about Pritzker? Our governor? Sure. How about the bushes? Sure. How about the Kennedys? Yep. Right. So a lot of them, you know, are in politics now. And they’re there. They’re making policies and they’re running our lives, right. But I’m just kidding here. And as both sides pile you could tell how I feel about politics, right? But really, so I’m starting to run out. I’m sure there’s more I could think about it. Now. Let’s go to first generation, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, Mark Cuban, Bill Gates, Mark, human. Right, Will Smith. I mean, all of these individual can go on and on and on. It’s really easy to look at how you can make a life of your dreams on your own here and every reason to be grateful and excited about it. And the expression that I heard that I share with everybody, I’ve encountered them, you know, tasked with coaching or helping or getting ahead is Don’t overestimate what you can achieve in a year. And underestimate what you can achieve in a decade. Because all these people achieved it over time. And what they embrace more is the journey. And then a lot of these first generation people like gates, like, Oh, my God, what’s the Berkshire guy’s name? I can’t believe I can’t remember his name. They’re giving the money away. You could do all morning from all the wealthiest people in our country. Katzman 99%, take it all away from and redistributed. Eventually, it’s going to go back to those 20%. Because because of their mindset, exactly. They made it on their own. They’re grateful where it is. It’s the journey. It’s not the destination. And there’s a lot of things that we face. There’s challenges, there’s trials, trope trials, right? There’s also mundane and is boring. Yeah, for sure. I love real estate. Of course, it gets boring guys, what doesn’t after a while, but you’ve got to look back at and say how do I readjust my attitude and mindset? Oh, yeah, I get the common goal and I please, I get to be with my family. I am not stuck behind a desk for eight to 10 hours a day. If I don’t want to be stuck behind the guest. There’s so many ways to spin it. But that’s your job. That’s we have an obligation to shift our mindset and refocus on to the good. So then we do the things that we need to do to get ahead.
D.J. Paris 34:49
Yeah, it’s it’s funny. So we’ve done over 100 episodes of this podcast where we talk to the top producing brokers, and people also like Ryan, who have been top producing brokers. Now he’s running 14 offices with over 500 agents. And we, you know, as I start to think about what has been some commonality among all these top producers, and the biggest sort of takeaway of all is almost all of them are shocked that not everyone is a top producer, which of course, not everyone can be a not everyone wants to be. But they’re shocked because they don’t understand how people aren’t. And because they already have the attitude, they don’t necessarily think they’re smarter, more skilled. And they I’m sure they are very skilled, and they have great customer service. And they’re very good at their jobs, of course, but more than anything, it seems to be there, just the attitude. And it’s not even so much that they’re the hardest working, although, of course, they’re hard working. But there’s a lot of hard working people that still struggle. And you know, the attitude is, is so important. And it’s almost universal on all of these interviews we’ve done. And by the way, these are people that are not paid to be on our show. As such as Ryan, this doesn’t directly benefit Ryan to be on our show he he doesn’t plug anything, he’s not getting any benefit. He does it because he wants to be of service. And I’ve always thought maybe that’s the best attitude of all, is this idea of gratitude. And that’s being of service, you know, boy, I’m so lucky. How can I help other people, and especially in real estate, and I’m not a Producing Realtor, but everyone I’ve interviewed, that’s how they think about it, they’re not in it for the money, or the power or the fame, maybe they are and they just don’t mention it. But I don’t think so the vast majority of of everyone that we’ve interviewed, they talk about being of service, they like helping, and what a great attitude to have, if that’s your attitude, you’re going to wake up every day excited to start the day, and you’re going to get to get you through those challenging times when your best friend goes with another realtor instead of you. And you’re like, ah, that hurts, or your clients pain in the butt or a deal falls through. You’re just helping and you just help Help Help. And in this in this profession, you get rewarded for helping people how cool is that?
Ryan D’Aprile 37:00
Yeah, and you know, you have to be also have to keep in mind, so you want to give and you want to help, right, and it’s what drives us. But also, and I’m speaking to the majority of the real estate agents that are out there that put themselves last, you got to help yourself first. There’s a lot of real estate agents in our industry, that are that are mothers out there, and they’re just naturally prone to put themselves last, you can’t, you’ve got to put yourself first, it’s incredibly important, especially if you’re a parent to show your children how to succeed, you can’t talk you got to walk, you got to walk the walk. So what you have to do is take some time, and you have to help yourself. And that way you can help your children or the people that you love that you want to help out because they’re only going to learn from you by example. So you have to stop and you have to check your attitude. You have to do what we call the mirror check, do some tests on yourself, and ask how do you feel about this? And how do you feel that and if they’re overwhelmingly negative, you have to have a mind shift, you have to have a mind shift because you’re gonna have an effect on the rest of your day. So, so what else can we talk about? So we went over the mindset, right? Yeah. And talked about some some books everybody should read. Right. Daniel Pink is another wonderful author of, of my business and psychology. Shawn acre,
D.J. Paris 38:22
and what was the book that you Ryan Holiday?
Ryan D’Aprile 38:25
Ryan Holiday and what is the well, his
D.J. Paris 38:27
his book is called obstacle, the what is the way and one of the things that if anyone’s out there that’s interested in a really practical philosophy and it goes back 1000s of years, look into stoicism. The stoics were philosophers that that talked about challenge because we all experienced challenge challenges part of life is as Ryan just said, it’s the meat in the marble, right? It’s the juice of life. And the all that you can ever do in life, the only thing we really have control over is really two things, which is our well really just one thing is our behavior, right? That’s all that we really control our beliefs and our behavior. And so you know, life is just going to happen to us, the tough stuff is going to come our way. That’s normal. And it’s hard. And all we ever can do is answer the stoics. The stoics really interesting because they just go, you always assume the worst, assume that nothing’s ever going to fall your way that everything that that you’ve built up is going to crumble. People are going to leave, they’re going to die. They’re going to disappoint you, they’re going to betray you. Okay, let’s just because we don’t have control over any of that. So we’re going to assume that all the bad stuff is going to happen. And by the way, of course it won’t. But assume it’s like the Boy Scout Motto always repeat, be prepared. And because it Brian Tracy said this too. We all know who well, a lot of us know who Brian Tracy is famous motivational speaker. And he used to say, nobody is coming to save you. And I thought boy, that is a tough thing to hear. But maybe it’s the truest thing anyone could ever hear. Nobody is coming to save you. So yeah, and that’s the good news. The X Well, good news is no one’s coming to save you.
Ryan D’Aprile 40:03
Lines. I mean, that’s a great thing. And let’s, I gotta tell everybody it’s like so you can either control your life or have somebody else control your life, what would you rather write and you want to have control of your life, so then you can’t blame. All you could do is look in the mirror. And nobody’s coming to save you. It’s you have to do it yourself. But you know what, it’s a big responsibility. But it’s all the freedom in the world, or the freedom of the world’s corner to take big responsibility. You have to be responsible for yourself. Everybody has got to stop the blame game. And the best thing we can do is look for the magic in our life. Yes. You know, magic is real. It’s out there. And if you see it, you’ll see it every single day. Let’s just Let’s talk before it.
D.J. Paris 40:44
Let’s talk about magic. Because I was talking to you offline recently. And you were started a new, a new vertical in your business, a new a new department that you were interested in, or that you you had been interested in for a long time. And it’s finally here. And I said, How did you do that? And I expected you to say, Well, first I did this, and then I did this and and you just go oh, I visualize that. And I sort of laughed because I thought well, maybe he’s sort of kidding. Or he’s being just humble. And then you said something very profound. And you were not kidding. And you said, DJ, that’s how I’ve achieved everything in my life. I and I went oh, and it really took me aback. And I thought I got to ask him about this on the podcast. So can we talk about how you’ve used visualization to, to achieve things I can.
Ryan D’Aprile 41:25
And there’s so many great stories out there and so many people that have created so much in this world, such as Will Smith, who I love and admire. He’s one of my heroes and talks about this. Jim Carrey talks about this as well. I take it back to childhood. I’m 43 years old, and I still feel like a kid I daydream all day long. It’s there is a I forgot what it’s called, oh, there’s a book out there. It’s a test. And it’ll give you your five traits. And one of mine is a futuristic. So I’m always daydreaming out there. But what that means is I’m visualizing. And then there’s something that I want, I will focus on it. And I’ll visualize it, visualize it, and it usually comes true. And so I said to you with all seriousness, because I feel like anybody had come in. You know, I come into that we’re in a busy environment, we’re having conversations, I feel like I owe it to them to share anything that I’ve done. That’s helped me to get where I want to be. So you asked me a question. I answered it with all seriousness, because I think it’s something that needs to be taken serious. And visualization is incredibly important. Michael Phelps talks, right, so we hear about it. So let me share a fun visualization story with you. Okay. And again, this is coming back to the magic in life, if you look for the magic in life, you will find it, but you got to look for it. You could also look for the tragedy, you look for the hang anger, you could look for the hate, you could look for the disgust you could look for it’s your choice, and happiness is a choice. And don’t forget that everybody has a reason. And people are fighting battles at various degrees scale of one to 10 Mine’s probably two, right there are people are fighting, bigger battles out there that I can even imagine. But most of those people that I meet, have got the best attitudes out there. So here’s a story of visualization. So I started in 2009, or 10, coaching a handful agents just by a whim, and it wasn’t 2012 that I decided, You know what, I’m going to grow a real estate company, I’m going to stop selling. And I’m just going to start coaching and teaching. And so part of my philosophy and part of my coaching and teaching has a lot to do with mindset and attitude. And so I’ve been doing this, I started with six agents, a couple years went by it’s 2012. And I said, I want to start start wanting to start doing this more. And so I bring more people in the company and just start focusing on coaching and training them. And one of these agents said to me, Ryan, there’s an individual that reminds me, a lot of you and I really want you to meet with him. I said, Sure, I’d love to meet with him. And he said, she said he wrote a book. And his book is about visualization. And manifestation isn’t sure I was intrigued. I would love to meet them. And remember I was up in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. We’re at our summer house, but it was the winter time. And she emailed introduced us. And by the way that summer house came through visualization because I always wanted to have it it was the first one I bought for other home but that’s not that’s not the story I’m telling. So I get introduced to him. And he says Ryan, why don’t we meet at Joe’s stone crab house, you know that is to ensure so we go we meet and I walk in and I am seated at the table and then here he comes. He’s like the six foot three slender built, probably in his early to mid 60s, man all put together in a suit Do you see me I’m always a jeans and a collared shirt type of person. We sit down and he gives me his book. And we just start exchanging niceties and having a very nice conversation. And he takes somewhat of a, he takes a lead of the conversation, and he’s interviewing me, and he’s very interest. He’s one of these great guy, right? They’ll ask you questions about you all the time. So he just, he’s just playing me at my game and right, and I’m just, I’m loving this guy, because I’m getting to talk about myself. And he’s incredibly intrigued. He’s very interested in me. And we immediately have a great connection, primarily because of what he was giving off to me and his energy. And he said, so and he asked me, Ryan, what did you do to visualize what you have? And and I start sharing some stories with them. And he says, Well, what are you visualizing right now? And I said, Well, it’s interesting. You ask that, because it’s 2013 or 14 at the time, I can’t remember what year it was. It might have been 14. And I said, you know, I have not flown in the airplane in eight years. I have studied abroad, I’ve traveled throughout Europe. I have my previous career before real estate. I was in corporate America, and I traveled once a week. I’ve been on small little private planes and big jets, but after our trip to Florida, with our oldest daughter, who by the way, DJ turns 16 yesterday, and one more time, Oh, happy
D.J. Paris 46:24
Ryan D’Aprile 46:25
thank you. And she was a year old. And we were getting off the plane landed in Chicago from Florida. And excuse my language here, you might want to bleep this out. But we get we’re getting our bags, I handed my little baby to my wife and I looked at her I said, I never get on when these fucking planes again. I was having such horrible anxiety. Sure. And you know, I’ve always I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire life. And I, I feel obligated to coach and teach to help others with their anxiety. So but I’m telling him the story. I’m like, so you know, I haven’t traveled and I haven’t flown on a plane in eight years. And I have three daughters, and my oldest is eight. And then I want to take these girls around the world. They’re the loves of my life. I want to show him like, want to go to Africa, I want to go the Amalfi Coast, I want to go and I can’t drive our suburban there. I could drive down to Disneyland. But that’s about it. So I’m kind of in trouble here because I want to live this life when I’m conflicted. I’m scared. I have anxiety. And it’s you know, it’s so fascinating. Ever since I’ve been visualizing that I want to fly again. And I drive, you know, on to 94 North, I look at the planes and I go, Oh my gosh, I can’t wait to be on one of those again. That’s what I say to myself to help me get over my fear. As I was saying this to him, he had this puzzled look on his face. And he said, Ryan, do you know what I do for a living? Oh, wait, did I tell you? Oh, I sit. So as I told him I said, By the way, since this has happened to amateur pilots have joined my company. And I said, so it’s like all the signs that are coming replace, you know? And he looks at me says Do you know what I do for a living? I go yes, you’re an author, of course, because he was asking me all the questions, remember, and he was normal. First, I had a chance even ask him anything. And so here I am. I meet with this author. I have this hardcover, you know, 300 page book? And I’m like, yes, you’re an author. He goes, No, this is what I do on the side. I’m the most senior captain American Airlines. He goes, and I would like to meet you in two weeks. And I’m gonna bring you on a plane, we’re not going to fly and walk you up and down. I’m going to help you get over your fear of flying. Wow. And two weeks later, I met him and I put in visualization. I wanted to fly again. Two weeks after that my wife and I flew down to Florida to my childhood friend’s wedding, which, of course I was invited to and we were going to drive what we flew out. I don’t know. We went to New York City. Then we went to there and I traveled around all over the world. Now it might my children and I’m still nervous. I’m still afraid of it. But you know, you know, we’ve done Montana, we’ve done Jamaica, Punta Cana, we’re going, you know, we fly all over the place, and it still makes me nervous. But that’s just another story about visualization manifestation. So you asked me, How did I start this new vertical in our company how to do it? I daydreamed about it? I daydreamed, about it? I thought about it consistently. And the universe will align and put things in place for you and put people into your world to make things come true.
D.J. Paris 49:10
Well, it this particular vertical was even more magical, because I said, Well, how did How’d you do it? They go, Oh, no, someone called me. I said, Well, how did that happen? You’re like, I don’t know, they just did. But you had been visualizing it for how long?
Ryan D’Aprile 49:25
That one. And I want to keep that song confidential, because it’s a big corporate client and whatnot. I think I put it out in the universe about 18 to two years prior to that huge client calling us and it leading into one thing and the next one the next. And I was open to it, and I was looking for it. And then you can it’s coming in with an attitude of gratitude and being aware. And then, you know, you and your conscious and your subconscious and your brain will see all the things that are out there and that’s what Shawn Achor talks about in Happiness Advantage. He talks about if you have a positive mindset if you are a man We’re optimistic and you are feeling better, you’re going to see the clues that are out there, to put what you want in line to give you what you’re dreaming of.
D.J. Paris 50:10
Yeah, and I boy, I could echo that myself. I had a previous career where, where I was making lots of cold calls. This is a long time ago. And I started visualizing for 10 minutes a night, these big clients, like you were mentioning a big client called you, I was mentioned, I would visualize a big client call me and they had no reason to contact me, I was a nobody. There was a million other people they should have worked with instead of me, because of my lack of experience. I had no business ever getting a return call and 99% of the time I did it. But I started to put that out and started to visualize No, my phone is gonna ring one day, I’m just gonna keep plugging along. I’m gonna keep making these dials. Someone is going to call me and it happened. And that was when I was in my early 20s. And I couldn’t explain it. And it was almost accidental, except it happened. And so I thought, Well, okay, maybe this was just coincidence, and I’m making up a story in my head, you know, because I want to have superpowers, but irrespective it happened. And so I said, Well, there’s no there’s no downside individualization, other than, you know, having some sort of realistic expectation of what may come your way. And if all you do is visualize things that you want and do the work necessary, there’s a good chance you’re gonna, you’re gonna hit up, but Ryan was saying about having a negative mindset. And you don’t even have to, internally have a negative mindset, all you really have to do is turn on the news. And that is to say, you shouldn’t as Ryan said, You shouldn’t be Pollyanna. You shouldn’t be ignorant and not know what’s going on. But the News knows that that negative stories sell Of course they do so yeah. So it’s your
Ryan D’Aprile 51:48
Yeah, on the on the morning, local news. I mean, for somebody who doesn’t watch the news, and then I drove around, I slept over my brother’s house on Lincoln Square, about eight months ago with my youngest daughter who lines up with his daughter, and they had a sleepover rest day there in case she got homesick. Not that I’m a helicopter parent or anything. And we woke up, we had coffee the next morning, and he had the WGN GN news. And again, we don’t have we have one television, our house is rarely on, if it’s on we’re watching Netflix, as a family. And I just I just don’t like the news because of the negativity that spews out. And, you know, they’re just talking about, you know, a plane crash, and a little girl getting a try by shooting and like it was no big deal. And as my, my nine year old, the time was just staring wide I at the TV. And I was conflicted as like, am I shouting these girls too much? Or am I not as one of those as like, JJ crew turn this off dude for a second. And it and I ask myself, Am I you know, I debate with my mother, she’s like, you can’t have ignorant children? Like, what good are they getting out of this, I’m going to tell them what they’d be fearful of and what to watch for. But I don’t know, I just think negativity sells itself gets great advertising dollars and everything else. I just think I’m responsible for myself, my wife and my three girls, as they are responsible for me, they take care of me as much as I take care of them. But I just need to know who I am. And I know that 90% of my actions are based on my subconscious mind. So I just want to be very careful. When I do have conscious moments and decisions I get to make, I’m going to tune into the right things, not the wrong thing. Well, that’s right.
D.J. Paris 53:27
And look, if you want to study politics, like if that’s what you’re passionate about, you can go out and obtain that information about what’s going on politically. And you can find those those outlets that are going to write a more balanced reporting of what’s actually happening. And you can study policy and law. And if that’s your passion, again, you get to control what goes in or out. If you’re just a consumer, if you’re just wanting to look, I’m a marketer, I’ve been in marketing my whole life. We love it when people don’t go out and get their own information. Because marketers, we control the way you you. If you’re just a consumer, we control that experience. And you don’t want to be controlled. You want to control your own experience. So whatever your passions are, dive headfirst into them. But be very careful about what you’re consuming. That’s that that’s I think, the main point,
Ryan D’Aprile 54:18
yeah, and I don’t want to run too long here and the podcasts and but I want to do you know, here’s a little moment, I want to try a little ripple effect here. Okay. And this is a political movement, right for this. Here’s a person who is anti politics. I’ll vote for anybody right, left, up, down whatever side they’re on. I’ll vote for anybody who does this. Listen up. Okay. Make social media illegal for children under 18 years old. Oh, that would be great. It’s horrific. I have three children and everything that they see what they do, and it’s crazy. It’s like my grandfather was smoking at third grade, because there’s nothing wrong with it that it was socially acceptable. couldn’t imagine a third grader laying up a marble
D.J. Paris 54:59
wall. All right parents would be arrested these days when I was
Ryan D’Aprile 55:03
a little boy. And if my kids, if as a little boy and I was invited a kid’s house, I’d have to see all bunch of bikes in the front yard. And that was Snapchat, which grown adults are creating grown adults recruiting selling to our children, you could see where every kid is in the neighborhood, and you’re not left in or left that my daughter has been both sides. They’ve been the kids have been excluded. And they’ve been the kids have been included. They’ve been the kids who have executed kids. And it’s all available on social media. So it’s the one little political rant I want to get on Sunday, our children, I think, are the guinea pigs. But someday, some politician is going to say, You know what, this is a great thing. And it’s going to get me no office, you got my vote, make it illegal.
D.J. Paris 55:40
I love it. And it also it disconnects us because it’s not actual interpersonal connection. It’s it’s artificial. It’s not it’s not real, it’s a grown adult mind
Ryan D’Aprile 55:51
deal with that, right? And not a child, not allowing them because it will take your form away from your kid. Sure, great. You’d be a parent, tell me how easy it is. Right? It’s not. And so, you know, I always say I don’t want to take too much of this podcast on that. I just want to get my little plugin. And I always think if I ever had chance to say something that I’m going to put it out there to see if other parents buy into that belief. Or even get to be a parent to, you know, to care for what happens to kids in their. And their in their and their, their, their their mental well being, I guess you could
D.J. Paris 56:26
put it? Well, this is really interesting. Because before for the inworld, we’ll wrap up with this because before the podcast, I was asking Ryan, by the way, what Ryan does everyday. And I think this is always really interesting, because I suspect with all of the hundreds of real estate firms here locally in Chicago and really all over the country is that Chicago is probably no different. And there are hundreds and hundreds of real estate offices. But I suspect Ryan’s credibly unique here. He has 14 offices and what he does literally day in and day out as he travels from office to office, training his staff, and also the agents. And and I said to him right before we got on, I said why don’t you and I get it’s nice to do it, you know, face to face. Obviously, there’s value there. So why don’t you just do it online? Why don’t you just do it that way. And Ryan said, well, that because it’s a face to face business, and I want to be there and I want people to see me and I want to interact with people face to face. And boy, the more of that that we could all do in our lives, the more face to face connections we have, whether it’s in our business, or uh, personally, our friends, you know, getting off social media as much as possible and getting more face to face. Really just, you know, lots of opportunities come your way you’ll have better friendships, better relationships, every and better clients if you’re a realtor, right? So this is this is the way to do it, for sure.
Ryan D’Aprile 57:42
Yeah, yeah, you’re good. You’re good video. And there’s advantages and leverages to video and things and whatnot. But to handle a live interaction, even if you do it via Google Hangout, I prefer our coaching and training being one on one, we do group training, don’t get me wrong, but majority of it is one on one, we carve it out. And it’s face to face and face to face with between the computer screens, which are interacting with each other, and you’re having dialogue. It’s a it’s a simple business life isn’t simple. And is a business that lacks structure, and you can’t be successful without structure. So we just take the approach of high service, high touch, whoever comes to our doors, that’s a part of our team and our family. But that’s just our business philosophy. And it’s how we work
D.J. Paris 58:24
well and that’s a good good place to mention. If you are a broker and you’re looking for a new place to hang your license and a new firm to call home. Ryan would be honored and his team would be honored to talk to you again they have 14 offices, hundreds and hundreds of Realtors, a lot of them extraordinarily successful. And Ryan goes around making sure that his staff knows how to individually coach you and train you. So if you’re interested in learning more about depot properties, what they offer and I again, their differentiator is the coaching is the training and is providing a lot of the marketing the stuff that Realtors go I know I should do but I don’t do it or I don’t do it that well or I want to maybe help have somebody helped me with that. Boy do properties is the place to go. So go to Jaipur properties.com There’s a contact us form reach out, obviously they’d be happy. And by the way, this is another little plug for Ryan his company. Ryan would never ask me to say this because he’s too humble. But I asked him I said how do you guys do your recruiting? And he goes, we don’t it’s it’s just people join us. Or it’s word of mouth. And boy, what a great what a great compliment that is to the systems and the structure that they’ve created. So if you’re interested, definitely check out Depot properties.com. They always are looking for for brokers to join their team. So Ryan, what a perfect place we went almost an hour and I know this is a guy who does not have an hour to give and he gave it to us. So thank you once again on behalf of the listeners. And we’re so honored that you do this and it’s it’s just so well appreciated because we look at the downloads and you get a lot Got
Ryan D’Aprile 1:00:01
a DJ, really appreciate it and so it downers mine. Thank you so much.
D.J. Paris 1:00:05
Thank you guys. And thank you, Ryan, and thank you for our listeners. Again, we wouldn’t do this without your support. So if you’re not already on our Facebook page, that’s a great resource. We’ve even started doing one minute videos once a week one of our producers Liz gets on there and does a little tip of the week to help you and your business. Obviously post links to all of our episodes, as well as links from you know, some of the books that that Ryan mentioned, we’ll be putting on there. So visit us on Facebook as even though we talked about social media being being not a great place to interact with other humans. It is a good resource hub, at least for this podcast to learn about what we’re talking about today. So facebook.com forward slash keeping it real pod. Otherwise, we will see everyone on our next episode, and we’ll see Ryan in a month. So thank you to everyone listening and Ryan.